The traitor

Out in the open street where snow swirls, children in the snow and ice play. I wonder, relishing in memories past, thinking of the days when I played with my family in the same manner.

      When I was 5 my Mum and Dad swinging me, holding my hands. Then my Mum leaving when I was 7 remembering the confusion. Thinking she was going shopping and her not coming back. Well she did come back or atleast her body did.

       The snow spins in a dance swirling swaying in perfect unison with only the wind as director. The last flower fighting for life under cover of a tree withering.

      No fighting now the memories are coming thick and fast. Playing in the snow, watching the autumn leaves falling and dew flicking off creating a veil of sparkles with a look of awe on my face.

      Coming home looking around the house for Dad. Finding him, or not him there's too much blood to tell. I thought they were suppose to be peaceful but I can only see pain, hate and a tinge of betrayal.

      Then my uncle walked in; initially I was happy not to have the pain to myself. Sharing the grief. Then he surveyed the area and his look evolved into a smile. Then I saw a knife in his hand, his whole right arm steeped in blood. He stalked towards me, like a cat would a mouse, he stood right infront of me, betrayal glistening on his face.

      He pushed me on my dads bed an whispered "I got your mum aswell" he sniggered.

      Aderaline and rage swelled inside me as the knife penetrated my skin. I leapt up with a roar at his betrayal and bit into his throat. Tearing with my teeth. Tasting his copper fear and drinking it in.

      The snow turned into rain hiding my tears; washing away the batrayal and grief and clearing my mind until the next day i remember.

Author's Note

i wrote this for english coursework but wanted it reviewed

Reviews

[Alex Thomas]

This is really good. The style is great. The imagery is spot on but your first sentence isn't an actual sentence. Put a comma after play and make the first two sentences one.

[Jessica]

Wow. This is beautiful. The imagary is amazing and you have a great piece of coursework here. The ending was not expected but it was so effective. Well done xD 100/100