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Where do I begin? Just so you know, this is still extremely confusing to me, and I think I have it figured out, but one can really know for sure. I won't really "get it" until I see it, that means, writing it out. So this might not be super organized. Just warning you. No, wait, go ahead and get all confused. That would be fair.

Ok. Let's start with the measuring cup. I knew when it was given to me that it held meaning. No, really. The first thing I noticed was that it held 4 cups. And that I would be the one to fill it up and pour it out. 4 cups of solid conviction. 4 cups of trial and tribulation. I told you that my health situation was a combo meal already. All the doctors know is I had west nile that caused encephalitis. That's it. I had more than west nile. I had 4 things wrong with me. And each one of them was a direct result of something I did (and didn't do.)  Not only that, but I was given a clear warning about each one.

Have you ever heard that when God judges, it begins in His church? In His own people? He never goes out and busts up on the people with their backs turned against Him without whipping up on His own first. Just one more reason that I love Him so much. He is SO FAIR and JUST. I totally trust His judgements even when they make my own life miserable, because I know it's right.

So do you want to hear about the measuring cup?

First I'll tell you the 4 things that were physically wrong with me:

~west nile virus (neuro-invasive)

~fluid build-up (water on brain)

~swollen brain tissue (showed on first 2 MRI's)

~nervous breakdown! (sort of an archaic term but I don't know what else to call it)

 

For the past nine months I have been healing from all 4. Physically, I'm all done. Mentally, I'm amazed and still a little baffled and perplexed. Spiritually, I'm supercharged and alive. Emotionally, I'm trying not to hurt. I'm trying to see everything through eyes of faith. That's the only thing that keeps me going. If I base anything on my feelings I'm done for. To think that I've experienced all of this on my own is really something. (excuse me while I pat myself on the back)

 

Back in the mid-90's God said to me through a minister: "You will have a day of visitation and restoration that will set you on a course, and no man shall stand in your way." This came to pass in the year 2000, when I had my dream of Jesus restoring my heart. This is the one where my mom saw a tall blonde man walking behind me as I went to bed, before I had the dream. After that, my unhealthy relationship came to an end, and lo and behold, since then, no man has stood in my way, that's for sure! Even though at times I'm like, "God, why don't You just match me up with one, just find one who doesn't stand in my way? I mean, do they ALL have to stand in my way?" I guess the ones I was picking were. What I'm on the lookout for now is one who doesn't stand in my way, but helps show me the way. Or something like that.

How did I get on this subject? Oh yeah. To say that I can't believe I have all this to say, and it all happened to me on my own. You know, we really do find ourselves in the most unexpected situations on this earth. The very things you think you can never do. You'll do them.