Garden of Eden

Life is an endless battle.

        Above, a blanket of colorlesss shards is bombarding me. Upon impact they shatter in different ways: Those that hit the ground create a miniature void, like a funnel, drawing air into the ground; those that hit my clothes vanish from sight, leaving a tiny damp spot on my garments. They strike without mercy, without remorse, as if an angry god above is throwing javelins towards the earth, trying to pierce everything in its wake - the crust, the buildings, the creatures. Surrounding me is a barrage of sounds, they come in layers, and yet, they don't sound so different: They are all a monotonous shriek.

I look below, and find nothing but the rippled moon. It is distorted at intervals, alternating. A freezing sensation shoots through my legs and torso, penetrating all bodily tissues within. Suddenly comes a flash of white, followed by a few more violent shimmers, and after a short while, lion's roar. I glance around, nothingness is all there is - no land, no trees, no buildings, no people.

        

I am surrounded by water.

        The moment I realize this, I begin to sink. Deeper and deeper I plunge, swallowed, consumed. Almost like I'm in quicksand. Helpless, I scrawl, scramble, trying to cling on to invisible ropes. It doesn't take long before needles start to pick at the upper section of my body.

        Only my feet and legs were pinned by needles at first.

       Then my stomach.

     After that, my chest.

       And then, my neck and face are pierced by needles.

        I blow off the needles before they can get into my mouth, hoping to catch one last breath. I gasp, and then I can feel nothing but coldness.

***

        When I feel that the needles are gone, I open my eyes once again, and see mountains covered by a blanket of snow, as if Mother Nature tucked the mountains to bed with it. And suddenly, I bounce my feet alternately as I feel something stabbing them. I take a glance downwards, and find myself barefooted, my legs are trying its best to stay alive.

        Then out of the blue a whole new sensation rushes through me - it seems like a vacuum cleaner is sucking at your skin, nibbling. I start to shake violently, I rub my hands on my arms, trying to stay warm. I look down once again, and see myself covered in nothing but a pair of shorts. Every inch of my skin is screaming for help, trying to stay alive. I spin my head around, trying to find a way to survive from hypothermia, and find, to my glee, a vast piece of grassland with lakes, and all sorts of animals �" The Garden of Eden. Giraffes, elephants, leopards and lions inhabited the land. Strange enough, the predators aren't attacking like they usually would.

        I sprint towards that piece of land, blowing out pillows of white clouds as I run. All of a sudden a loud metal clasp shoots through the air, along with a painful shriek. I cannot move my left leg, and pain is soaring. It's as if my left leg is being burned. Then I fall, face down I land hard on the snow. It knocks the air out of me. Instantly I feel as if my skin is burning. I start to shake, it’s as if I’m a puppet, and the puppeteer is jerking the strings, controlling me. I put my palms on the snow, with a stream of numbness flowing through it, and push myself up. I look towards my left leg, and find two sets of metal teeth biting it. My left leg is covered in blood, as if surrounded by roses. And soon the pale snow begins to redden. My heart is speeding up, and pumping harder. I can hear it beating even when I do not have my ears covered. I slip my fingers between the metal teeth, and try to tear it open. I let out a scream when I pull the two sets of teeth apart �" they have dug too deep into my leg, upon separation, it is literally grinding my flesh.

        I manage to free my left leg from the metal teeth. I put it on the ground, and use it for support. Almost immediately a sharp blade cuts through my leg. I bite my lips, containing the pain. And start limping towards the vast grassland.

        It doesn’t take long before I fall again. Every breath I take is like a razor blade, slicing its way past my trachea. My body is scorching once again, and snow is seeping into my open wounds, nullifying my attempts of not shrieking. I look at the greens and the animals and the ponds, I know in my heart that it is the Garden of Eden. I struggle to get up, but I collapse every time. I start crawling my way towards the Garden of Eden. I know that only there can I find salvation.

        I won’t stop.

        I won’t give in until I’ve reached the Garden of Eden. 

Author's Note

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

Reviews

[....................]

...but you have kept your eye on the goal. Will Smith once said something to the effect that 'you might be better looking, smarter and more talented than me, but put me on a treadmill and you will be the first to fall off or I will die trying.' I like the perseverance in this piece... we should all be heading for our own Edens.

[imagwriteine]

Absolutely, perseverance and resilience should be present in all of our lives~~~ thanks for going through that looooong and boring story haha.... (I don't even think I can call it a story)

[....................]

It's more poetic prose and I enjoyed it... it wasn't boring or else I would not have been able to finish it :)

[imagwriteine]

haha thank you :D

[Daisy]

wow it's amazing :'( so true and so painful...... you have done a wonderful job writing this..... With that much pain I hope you may find strength to go to that garden...... Awesome

[imagwriteine]

Wowww thanks for your review :D

[Fae]

This story is interesting and it packs a lot of information in to a small amount of words. However, I feel that the bombardment with all this sensation becomes overwhelming for the reader at times, and it makes the story difficult to access. Maybe consider adding another character, or an interaction with an animal with the main character that goes beyond just feeling.

In addition, some of your word choice is interesting. The story seems religious in nature, and the character seems very out of touch with reality about some things (suggesting youth or that they live in a time where technology hasn't advanced much), while they're in touch with other things. This makes itself known in the use of "crust" in the first paragraph - the character knows about the earth's crust, but doesn't know about, presumably, the sleet that he's been caught in. In addition, they use medical terms, like "hypothermia" and "trachea" which seem out of place in a story like this.

It is an interesting story, though, and does well combining religious imagery with this person's plight. Cool!

[imagwriteine]

Wow thanks for your detailed review...

I agree that the two words are quite out of place and weird, but here I want to say that I don't quite classify this piece as a story haha

Rather, it's an experience to the readers, I'd say. As you've mentioned the bombarding of sensations was overwhelming - It was actually deliberate because I want to draw readers into a world that makes no sense at all, yet readers can relate to the world, somehow.

I'll try to change the two queer words, thanks for your detailed and deep review :D

[Fae]

No problem! It's a cool piece :)