SCARS

This is a poem about a conversation, the repercussions of that conversation, and rising above the scars that were left behind.

SCARS:

 

I heard your loving story of when my sister came to be

as we all sat there together you told tales of family

you said she was a symbol of yours and my dad’s love

and that she sealed your union, was a blessing from up above

it filled my heart with happiness as I waited patiently

for you to tell my story, of how much you both loved me

but my happiness it was short lived as you began your tale

you said I caused you trauma and your body began to fail

 

I couldn't hold my tears back now and I began to cry

you said my father was distraught, he thought that you would die

Then my sister asked a question, that I wish I'd never heard

she said what would my dad have done if she hadn't survived my birth

mum said, that my dad loved her, and that she'd be ok

but as for me he would not look, he'd just send me away

she said that he would blame me, for her losing her life

and he'd see me as the reason he no longer had his wife

 

you could not imagine, and I can't begin to say

the pain that your words caused me as I listened on that day

but now  I am a mother too  these words keep ringing through

I’ll never hurt my kids like that and I'll never be like you

when I grew up you said to me that I was hard to love,

You said I came from down below, no way from up above

You said I was the black sheep and no one wanted me

No matter what I tried to do you always hated me

 

nothing seemed to matter cause your dislike was so strong

I tried so hard to be good tried not to do things wrong

I've never understood this, there’s things I want to ask

From fear of losing what I have I leave it in the past

This hasn't served me well in life cause I still have the scars

There’s no answer to those questions that I've been scared to ask

I don't know why you feel this way or what it is with me

it seems there never ever was, peace for you and me

 

I'd always say I love you but you would turn away

Not a word of recognition,  you had nothing to say

I know we had our good times some laughter and some fun

But I struggle to remember them and that brings me undone

I carry with me many scars that no one else can see

For many years the nightmares, have laid in wait for me

And now I fear the night time, my emotions run so deep

alone I cry for hours, I’m too terrified of sleep

 

I knew I had to say goodbye, had to say goodbye to you

Nightmares cannot rule my day’s I know what I must do

I have to keep my sanity, for my children that I love

I’ve had to do it on my own, I’ve had to rise above

It hasn’t been an easy road, cause I still have the scars

There’s no answer to those questions that I’ve been scared to ask

I don’t know why you feel this way, don’t know what it is with me

It seems there never ever was a peace for you and me

 

I guess there never will be a peace for you and me……………………….

 

Written by MANDI REDDAN

copyright; Amanda Reddan

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Author's Note

I wrote this with the intention of it being lyrics to a song, but I have no idea how to go about it, so this is it in poetic form.
I would really appreciate your feedback on this one. cheers!! mandi...

Reviews

[spoils]

Wow, it does tell a tale of woe and of surviving. I had the experience of maternal non-love and it gave me the scars you write of. But over the years I have found like the old song - there is more room in a broken heart.

[mandi]

hi spoils,
these type of scars are extremely hard to live with and even harder to let go of an move on, I have tried so many times and failed dismally, but succeeded to a certain extent to where I am no longer haunted by it everyday, but those sort of scars never leave you!! not for good anyway, but I'm glad you got the WOW!! thats what I wanted people to feel to, touch peoples hearts, and feel the pain it caused me for so many years...... I was dreaming of it being written as a song but have no knowledge of putting music to words whatsoever so I don't think there's much hope of reaching that goal.... thank you so much for your feedback and the impact it had on you but hope I haven't rehashed old and painful memories for you, that was not my intention xx

[spoils]

Hi Mandi,
It sounds like you have found a place to put these scars. No, you did not bring mine back, you helped me think about them in a productive manner. Like an onion we are the sum of the layers that life has given us.