She Goes Where the Wind Takes her

I wrote this for someone; completely undeserving of affection.

She goes where the wind takes her.

Pockets of sunshine drop upon the glistening dew on the morning's grass
as another delightful day in the lovely life of a casual stranger begins.

I observe her purposely taking strides, wandering by the flower fields
and lonely hills. Her hair is shifting in the breeze beginning movement
from her knees. She never stops to see me there, I'm waving but she
does not care. My ravened love is not prepared to pause or take this
anywhere. She walks along strait down the street with daisies swaying
at her feet. I see her go and notice then the wind is gailing north by ten.
As this love does fade to gray, finally I'm sad to say my ravened love is blown away.

Author's Note

has not been edited, constructive criticism please

Reviews

[EMP]

i agree with below, i think a structure like that would be better, not because it'll make the poem's content better or anything, just that it'll be easier to read. but otherwise, the poem is perfect. i love the flow, the rhyme, the image you've created. :)

[qaralynn]

I like it..has a great rhyme

[Cassiopia Summers]

You should change the structure to something like...
"I observe her purposely taking strides,
wandering by the flower fields and lonely hills.
Her hair is shifting in the breeze,
beginning movement from her knees."

Etc. I think it would improve the flow, and make the poem look nicer.

This is a great poem overall. I love how it starts with her on one side of him, and then she's strolls on by.

[Natalie]

Besutiful. I loved the last line. Wow you are a an amazing poet.