Hospice Reborn

I rest down
Think of everything
Of the past
Of the reluctant visions
That keeps on haunting me
The souls I�ve always kept
Loved,
Cared
Cherished for

Their forlorn faces
Illuminates my sight
As they lay
Upon my newly set bed
Weak but they smiled unwillingly
Just to keep them feel safe with me
For they�re away
Too far and distant
Left,
By themselves,
Forgotten�

In their bloodshed hands
Envisions a hard-felt sacrifices
Still I see it precious
Feeble but soft;
Wrinkled by time,
Devastated by doom,
Hindered by life

I blink�
Evading a newly shaped tears
In my eyes
I see them smile
This time
Thanking me
With grace and passion
With love and happiness
Thoughts finally resonates
In my sight
The vision was gone
And I know
There not alone

Reviews

[Dalebear]

Very sad, very well written

[Cynthia L. Cavett]

Overall, this was a very beautiful piece but to be honest, because of the errors I couldn't understand it as much as I wanted to. I would love to see you re-write this with some assistance and repost it, sorry if that is too critical, but your work is worth of being read:)

[William J. Wilkins]

Although it's clear that English is not your strong-suit, there is no getting around the power of this poem. It shines through beautifully. Very nicely done!

[J. Alfred Prufrock]

when using "but" between to descriptive words, the tradition is the the second descriptive words is contrary to the first, and is generally someting you would not associate with the first word, something unexpected. but feeble and soft go a long well together, you would expect some one feeble to be soft. an example of a more traditona; way to use this device would be "young but feeeble" "old but strong" "large but graceful" each of the following words are unexpected assiciations. but here you have "feeble but soft" with makes sense and can be expected. do you see what i mean? unless i'm missing something, this does not work well. otherwise, it's a great poem and really enjoyed reading it

[John Frey]

very sad. well written.

[0]

Your compassion for these people shows through in this piece. You give us a glimpse of how it is for them and what "you see" while tending to their needs. Good writing. Thanks for sharing it.

[You Don't Know Me]

your dedication to your profession is so admirable and beautiful. from the pieces I've read from you, your heart is just so big and your inspiration is so unselfish. please keep writing like this and sharing with others. I know this definitely inspired me.

[Sean Allen]

Hey Guy,
This was truly great. Sure there are some spelling goof's and I prefer a powerful piece like this to be properly punctuated, but it is great.

I got to see the dedication you have for your chosen profession. Something that I sorely lack, being totally intolerant of illness.

Not forgotten, but because of you...Remembered!

[Anhedonia 1349]

This isn't bad. There are lots of errors - sorry, I don't mean to sound smug - but most of them are easily fixed. One instance I saw come up alot are number-agreements...for instance:

Of the reluctant visions
That keeps on haunting me...

Visions keep or vision keeps - you can't mix the two together. I saw that problem a couple of times. Also, there were some tense problems such as alternating between present and past tenses, etc.

The content was good. I liked it, much as I liked the last hospice piece - with a little bit of fine tuning, this will be very nice.

[Maxinne Marie]

Gina career ang pagka student nurse! Hehe joke.

I love this piece. It's very moving and powerful, has a lot of sadness in it. Bravo!