Penalties For Loving

Inspired by Emily burns and the slow fade of love.

Tonight I burn my red candle tilted
over your pillow-dent in dripping blows
to your head, waiting for sleep to slip
and bend into position, into position.
Tonight I place your wild hair in jars, picked
and pickled like white lies, place worms
in books of poetry to reach the deep clay.
Tonight I am the salmon

breaching ancient waters and climbing
onto the heavy earth to die
and you are the mother bear
smelling me, carrying me, feeding me
to your cubs. When in doubt, I swerve
into open mouths, 'cause when they find
the floors shrouded in dust and the backdoor
locked, they will know no one played,
no one danced.

And I wonder if anyone ever will, ever will, ever will.

Reviews

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAutho..]

There is an echo and a disconnect. The echo is both visual and sonic made manifest by the end repetitions in the two stanzas. It entices the reader to stand upon a ragged cliff that overlooks a wilderness of metaphors that seek an outward nature to compare and contrast with a savaged human interior. An interior crafted by a somber and reflective architect that has just paid the outrageous interest on overdue love. Now, bereft of legal tender, the dead salmon poses nature's allegorical question... in the night, we see the candle, the pillow, and the dust behind the locked door but whose footprints are these?

[p.kuhl]

This was an excellent review, a poem by itself. Thank you!

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAuthor]

It is an unusual and intriguing poem, Pierce. Thank you.

[Ken Simm.]

I like the way you echo from the first verse to the second indeed as the Salmon leaping across the gap.
This is a poem linked across its multiple layers in pathos and in wishes. I enjoyed all the links with natural metaphor also to tell your story. Excellent work.

[C. Harter Amos]

What a sad note as the love slowly fades and we find "the floors shrouded in dust and the backdoor locked and "'cause when [we} find the floors shrouded in dust and the backdoor locked [we] know no one played, no one danced." Maybe most of all that you "wonder if anyone ever will." Really nice write, much enjoyed!

[TL Boehm]

Holy cow this is good.
when they find
the floors shrouded in dust and the backdoor
locked, they will know no one played,
no one danced.

And I wonder if anyone ever will, ever will, ever will.
there is a frenzy to this - a desperation in the way the words tumble and flow - a controlled chaos - and it is inescapable.

[p.kuhl]

Thank you so much!

[Larry Dyson]

I like this analogy and comparison, rich with symbolism.."Tonight I am the salmon

breaching ancient waters and climbing
onto the heavy earth to die
and you are the mother bear
smelling me, carrying me, feeding me
to your cubs."

[LJW]

Beautiful and filled with longing.

[Leslie Philibert]

a great poem with perfect enjambement, tempo, punctuation, with beautful, finely considered language, excellent.

[Emily B]

i am amazed and astounded, it is overwhelming to find that your words have reached new heights, i was pleased to climb the mountain to find words like these

[p.kuhl]

Thank you, my eyes feel different lately, and so does my head.

[Emily B]

they will, they will

:)

[Emily B]

i am thinking of gathering up some poems that i may or may not have inspired and self-publishing them just for myself, can i have permission to include this one?

[p.kuhl]

Yes absolutely! Please do.

[Emily B]

awesome!