crashed

I was only twenty-seven years old. The ambulance arrived seventeen minutes after the crash. A police patrol was already securing the scene with red tape and redirecting the night time traffic. My car looked like a crushed can against the left side railing of the highway.

 

The doctors couldn’t get through to me and kept asking me questions. My words sounded hollow and echoed off in the moon light, however I wasn’t heard. I tried to move my legs, but I didn’t feel them there. Any attempt at moving my arms or neck resulted in failure. All that remained was my ability to speak in a soft whistling manner, blink and move my eyes.

 

I observed the scene. The orange lights illuminated what remained of my car, like a halo hanging over an angel. The firemen arrived and investigated the driver side door. Everything sounded like mumbles to me, inaudible whispers in a classroom. I gave up on making myself heard, I focussed on the metal cage around me.

 

I appeared unharmed, there was no blood as far as I could see. I must’ve been really lucky. These kinds of high-speed crashes have another way of turning out most of the time. In the rear-view mirror, I saw some grey fender parts, an oil spill crawling away in the distance and millions of tiny bits of plastic, reflecting the light from the flashing lights. The scene reminded me of a homicide in downtown New York. The uniforms around my car in the middle of the night, all turning around with white coffee cups and cigarettes, waiting for an advance. I still sat unmoved in my seat, my head straight up as if to be examined by a doctor. My hands laid softly on my lap, just beneath my steering wheel. Anxiously waiting on the verdict of the judges.

 

A screech of metal awoke me. The power tool cutting the driver side door, held by the firemen. Their grave expressions were lit up by sparks and flares; flying and igniting the darkness to my right. Blue flashing lights in the rear-view mirror, illuminating all the fluorescent jackets and silhouettes of man. I was seated so close to the door, that I expected to feel the heat of the metal being cut and bent against its will. The door red glowing hot now, but still no warmth to be felt on my left thigh. The night time chill still, overpowering. Then the metal gave way with a clunk to the ground, the door unjammed, and I was revealed in the driver seat.

 

The investigation of my state by the man in white seemed careless and short. I was observed, not even asked my name or if I’m alright. As if I already received my verdict, and the hope was lost. I was anxious to get out of the steel metal can, crushed to bits with fragments sprawled over the two-lane road. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t move at all. Two firemen appeared, with their expressions occasionally illuminated by a flashlight. The light turned to me, to my chest and then turned off. I sat there in awe, not even 20 minutes into the crash and I was almost out of my cage.

 

The pair looked soberly at my chest and proceeded to grab another tool. It was placed, just shy of my heart and a snip was heard, metal giving over to powers of man. Another victory over the elements. A sudden release of pressure from my chest made me fall forward and hit my head against the steering wheel. I could feel all my chest and legs become very wet and warm. The doctors arrived with a stretcher, carefully placed low enough not to lift my fragile body and to cause any more damage. A blanket sprawled over the soft bedding, in black. It seemed like the perfect comfort for my current state. Three men, grabbed me and pulled me out of the car sideways, placing me on the cart. I lost my shoe in the car, I didn’t want it to get lost, but I couldn’t tell them anything. I kept trying to indicate it with my hand, but my limbs were made of lead.

 

My chest leaked. The left side, just where my heart was felt cold. A zipper closed, slowly as if to indicate an end. It closed over my chest and finally my face. Everything was black, and the sounds were muffled. I was placed in my cocoon and felt safe again. My eyes closed by themselves and I felt relaxed. No pain, no worries and the anxiety had left me.

 

The only odd thing that I felt was release; as if I was left with a gaping hole in my chest, and my heart was not there anymore.

Reviews

[Norbanus]

You start us with a statement, clear and flat
then let the cat sneak slowly from the bag.
But on we go, unsure of where it's at;
The scene begins to clear. It starts to drag.

Then, from the shadows of the middle lines,
we look inside and feel more than we fear.
There is no place for us to cut and run.
No moment’s pause to stop and shed a tear.

We see ourselves joined with him in a flash
The somber faces show their train of thought.
It's then we know. The sudden wild crash
has spread before us all that it has wrought.

Your observation in the final line,
needs no beguiling magic to define.