Cherry Red Stilettos In the Snow

written for Poetry and Lyrical Challenge group

Brilliant white glitters on the ground
Covering the once cement sidewalk
Where many trudge on block by block

Today the scenery is quiet
No footprints marking up the snow
For white powder relentlessly grows

Traffic slows to an agonizing crawl
Yellow cabs stand out on the streets
Hoping the snow they will defeat

A black limo pulls up to the curb
Cherry red stilettos poke out
Shivering with a pointy pout

Revealing long slender toned legs
A woman dressed all in black
Ethereal elegance she does not lack

A fur lined ebony cape
Encloses her sexy curves
But not her shaky nerves

Reviews

[Poeticadia]

'Shivering with a pointy pout' is a great line and it hints at the 'shaky nerves' hidden behind the showy elegance at the end. There's a whole narrative in the silence after the last line, left to the readers imagination... and the scene with its sharp colours has been set for us to do the rest.

Agree just a little with enzo in that if inverted word order can be replaced with natural order - and new rhymes or even slant rhymes can be found instead - it does improve the sound of the poem (especially when the visual imagery is so good to start with!)

[Ice QueenJen]

This one was okay, the other had a certain style and grace and you could see the woman walking down the street. In this one she is just a random female getting out of the limo. I also loved the font you used for the other it was elegant... much like the lady.

[Sweets]

This is awesome!
I loved the way how you combined red and white :)
Great work!

[HorrorMaster]

Amazing poem

[Kelley]

This was great and it held some mystery to it.
I like your style .

Keep up the great work.
Kelley

[Larry Dyson]

Yes ..I like this version ..more suspense and intrigue..more emotion expressed..
try this on for size?

Traffic slows to an agonizing crawl
Yellow cabs stand out on the bullivard
Hoping the snow they will command

A black limo pulls up to the curb
Cherry red stilettos slowly entend
Shivering with a pointy pout

try one yourself?

[Ladysue]

I like this...nice scenes unfold in this...like that ending...nicely done..

[SpokenWord]

Yes a different version and even a different scene on the same street but this time less personal, I think the other one had that personal touch with the one single taxi driver, not to take anything away from this version it is also good but for different reasons. As you can tell I prefer the other just my preference it made me sigh you know.

[serpent]

a mysterious battle between read and white nicely penned!

[The Perfectionist]

You're doing it again, Kristina *wags finger disapprovingly*. Your reaching for the rhymes. I understand you need them, but you can do better than this. The setting and story told here are well done and I do like your language, I just don't care so much for how you've put it into form. Some of the third lines are real stretches.