Candice Jones

Introduction of Candice Jones

It was 6:00am and Candice was already taking the elevator down from her 9th floor grand apartment into the reception area, were every morning she was kindly greeted by the concierge,and today was no exception.

"Good Morning Miss.Jones" said Leon or Liam or maybe it was Lennie.

 In the 5 years Candice lived in this building she never quite bothered to learn his name, he was simply there to open the door every time she entered or exited the building.

Candice was the kind of woman who used phrases such as 'sweetheart' 'darling' and 'my love' to patronise her colleagues, friends, family and even her own mother.Her stories consisted of her bragging about her luxuries trips to the most beautiful countries, expensive clothes and how many rich,handsome men lusted over her.

Being a woman with a high position in one of London's top law firms, she strutted her stuff down the office in her one of a kind Armanis,Guccis and Christian Louboutins in an extremely confident manner.Her hair was always perfectly coloured and styled and her nails always freshly manicured. Every other woman envied her and every man dreamed of waking up next to her. Every but one,Tom.

Author's Note

only a quick start, all advices welcomed.

Reviews

[Elizabeth Ridge]

Nice start! You should shorten the first sentence. It's very long and for the beginning sentence of a book, the long length doesn't draw readers in. Another suggestion is taking out a lot of the information you say about Candice. In the first chapter, you don't want to dump information on the readers. It'll either bore them or confuse them. Either way, they're less likely to continue reading. Here's a tip to help organize what you should keep and what you shouldn't, focus on the setting through Candic'e's eyes. What does she see? What does she notice? Say these things directly and give personality to those words. This way you're giving plenty of information about Candice to the readers and at the same time, creating a more hooking introduction. This story has a lot of potential and I hope you continue.

[Ryan Henderson]

Well Mr. Realist, you are at an interesting point in your story here, it is a crossroads, you can pretty much do anything you want with your story at the moment, the chapter ending with the 'Every other woman envied her and every man dreamed of waking up next to her. Every but one, Tom.' Was very interesting, I am curious to see who this 'Tom' character is, very good job describing Candice, she sounds like the arrogant, rich type of woman, and that is pretty cool. Great job here, and keep writing :)

[realist]

Thank you Ryan, that was very helpful. By the way it's Miss Realist :) Candice seemed to be portrayed exactly how I wanted her to be. The character of Tom will be introduced shorty in the next chapter.