The End Of Feelings

Empty

Shattered

Broken

Piece by piece

Reaching what I never thought was possible

I don’t recognize

The eyes

That I see

The face

That places a smile above all

The body

I despise each step it takes

No hope

No joy

All I feel is broken

Empty

Honestly

I don’t know what

“feeling” is like anymore

nothing

the pieces are so far

crumbled

shattered

hidden away

yet

I keep going back for more

I never want to say no

Or speak the truth

Afraid that they

May see just how

Broken

Just how many tears

I have cried

How many cuts

And bruises

And shattered

Pieces of my heart

I have hidden

I have kept

Locked far away

Only to see little glimpses

In the moment

Before the masks

Comes on

And

Before it goes off

I have

Become

To tired

To reach out

Or

Take care of the ones I love

But

Honestly

Love?

I wouldn’t trust my meaning

How can I?

How will I

Ever be able to

Trust

Be able to

Learn

I’m sick of

Being told

Of my

Exterior beauty

When all I

Feel

Inside is

A dark black lifeless hole

Of nothing

I’m sick

I make myself

Sick

Over and over

Only to ever

Hurt myself

Others come to

Tell me how

They hurt

Or how someone hurts

Never do they see

The tears

Cascading

Down my cheek

The smiles

To go with

My lack of ability

To say

Anything

Less than

“no worries”

when really

I want them

To see

And try

And catch

Each tear that falls

One for you

That will never love me back

One for you

That will never stop trying to change me

One for you

That won’t see the damage that you have caused

One for you

That won’t stop asking questions and pretend to know

Why?

Honestly I don’t know

why.