Pariah's Vision

WWIII:The End Of Times Are Among Us

I woke up in a strange place with enormous white clouds floating around me. I stood up and then I heard someone coming towards me. I turned around and found a huge bright figure standing in front of me. Barely looking at it I asked "who are you?"  and I stood amazed looking at it. It moved closer to me and said "welcome home son, have you forgotten me? I'm God". I was stunned for a minute, gasped and then it looked at me and said "So far you've been asleep in the world of nothingness and now Ive brought you here to send you to earth".
I stood there idle for a moment as the words echoed in my head and then as the big bright figure began to move away from me I rushed to it and asked "what is Earth? Who are you? Why are you sending me there?". " I am God, I created you, and Earth is a planet that I created. Is a wonderland. Once you see it you wouldnt want to leave it. It is beautiful and your edidn'tll be refreshed by its beauty. Love is all that you'll feel on earth."

Usually everyone gets born on Earth as an infant but I'm giving you a chance to start your life on earth as a 20 year old boy as you've waited long in the world of nothingness". "Wow that sounds amazing"- I replied. "Youll have essential knowledge about the plant when you get there but if you wish to stay here you may" said God. "No I would like to be on earth, I really don't want to miss it"-I replied. He came closer and circled his hands around me and I found myself fading away slowly.

LATER

I opened my eyes and this time I found myself lying amidst tall trees. My body partially covered with leaves. I saw beautiful birds flying above me and a few tiny creatures on the tree branches. I gazed at them for a little while. I looked around and didn't know where to go, so i climbed up a tree and sat on its huge branch where I could accommodate myself.  Soon it got  dark and the sky was decorated with stars and a full moon. It was amazing that I kept looking at the sky till I fell asleep.

I woke up the next day. Sun was shining and I laid there for a while listening to the melody that the birds sung.
I decided to walk around and explore the area. I soon found a river. Not wasting a moment I dived into the water. It was chilly but I loved the freshness. Then I felt hungry and roamed in search for food. I found some fruits which were sweet and tasty. As I was enjoying the food I heard someone coming and a little girl stood in front of me. She asked me why I'm here. I didn't know what to say. I shared some fruits with the girl and she invited me to her home. As she ran through the forest I followed her. After a few minutes I saw a hut and the little girl ran towards it. I was thinking if I should go there when the girl came back to me, held my hands and took me to the hut. As we approached the hut the girl kept shouting "Mom! Dad! " I stood there in front of the hut as the girl when inside it. She came out of the hut with a man and woman who were dressed entirely different than me. The man scrutinized me for a moment and asked me "who are you? What do you want?" I don't know, I was just exploring the area"- I replied.

Are you someone from the city? Have you got lost in this jungle and now trying to find a way back home?� the man asked me. God never told me of something called city and I wondered what it was but excited to explore more I replied "Yes, could you direct me to the city?"�Sure! But I think you should get dressed before that, here grab some of my old clothes and let me show you the way to city�.

I quickly wore the clothes he provided me with and followed him as he led the way in front of me. We climbed up a hill and when we were on top of it the man pointed down the hill and said There! Go this and youll make it to city". I thanked the man and proceeded on my way to city. I kept imagining what sort of place it would be. After a few hours of long walk I began to hear some weird noises which disturbed me.

As I walked it got louder and I found a street. I saw many people with different costumes walking on the streets. Small and big vehicles were speeding down the street. I was scared and stepped back before anyone notice me. Then I raised my head and found huge structures beautifully lightened in front of me. I wanted to go near it and so I decided to step onto the street and started my walk towards it.
The vehicles kept scaring me and even some of the people wore costumes that made them look weird. As I walked I found the streets beautifully lit with colorful lights. As time passed by, the activity on road lessened but some of the building were still lit. I sat there under a building not knowing what�s next and few giant people wearing black costumes approached me said � you aren�t supposed to sit here" I stood up and said "why not? Earth doesn't belong to you, it belongs to god and he never asked not to sit here". "Hey man! We man we are cops and you better do as we instruct�. I asked in anger "Cops? Are you ranked above god?" and the scene got worse. I was punched on the face by one of them and them from nowhere a lady appeared and started talking to the cops

She was trying to help me from them. She showed them some card and the cops went away. She came closer to me and said "Hi! I'm Jennifer.  I work for the Human Rights Department�. I looked confused and asked her "So did someone take our rights away?"  She seemed surprised by my question and asked �where are you from? I don't know, maybe the jungle- I replied. �Stop kidding; tell me where youre from?�- said Jennifer. I got up and looking into her eyes with rage, I said �I was in the jungle! I am here for the first time!
She was shocked and asked me if I had been lost in jungle since I was a little kid. I didn�t know what to answer her but I said yes. She then took me to her home, provided me with food and shelter. The food was very tasty when comparing to what I�ve eaten in the jungle. There was a comfy

There was a comfy bed for me to rest on. Jennifer was a nice woman. She used to take me around the city and I always enjoyed my stay with her.
One day when I woke up, I heard some noises in front of the house. I looked through the window and found 100s of cops marching down the street. I asked Jennifer what happened and she said that a �civil war was about to happen�. I told Jennifer �but I never heard of anything like this? God said I will find only love here on earth but now why are these people fighting?� �They fight for their religion�- replied Jennifer. �What is a religion?� I asked her. There was a comfy bed for me to rest on. Jennifer was a nice woman. She used to take me around the city and I always enjoyed my stay with her.
One day when I woke up, I heard some noises in front of the house. I looked through the window and found 100s of cops marching down the street. I asked Jennifer what happened and she said that a �civil war was about to happen�. I told Jennifer �but I never heard of anything like this? God said I will find only love here on earth but now why are these people fighting?� �They fight for their religion�- replied Jennifer. �What is a religion?� I asked her.

Author's Note

Ignore the symbols. I don't have a clue how they appeared. How could it be improved? What direction do you see it going in? Rate it from 1-10?

Reviews

[Alex Boyd]

I say a eight out of ten the subject matter is compelling meaning that it grasp the audience attention. The main character is vivid it's like I am apart of him wanting to know more because just like him I do not have sense of direction so I must piece together any information that I find thought the reading. Lastly you have all the elements so far to make a great script. Religion, conflict, love, searching of meaning, heroism, and many more. Keep it up and I can't wait to see the finish product

[A.J. Thompson]

I am certainly interested to see where this goes. While your grammar and spelling can be corrected in some places, you've definitely done a good job of creating an interesting story here. If I could suggest one thing for the beginning of the piece... It may be a good idea to have 'God' create some sort of all-pervading purpose for your character to be sent to Earth in the middle of his young-adult life... Having 'God' create this purpose will then force the character to make a vital decision, assuming your character has free will, making the beginning more interesting for the reader. Maybe have the character go over the different options in his head and truly decide whether or not he wants to complete this mission for 'God.' Just a thought. Other than that I think you have some interesting subject matter here and I would truly have to see more of the story to review any further! Good job though I definitely enjoyed this.

[Brenda Woods]

There's a few grammar errors here and there that need to be looked at, but otherwise enjoyable. The action was a bit slow to start, but the story made up for it by intriguing the reader early on with mentions of rebirth - that's always an interesting concept.

The symbols probably appeared because whatever you'd used in their place isn't supported by Writer's Cafe; did you use any special sort of quotation mark or symbol/character?

I really enjoy how you describe everything - good work with that, especially in the third and fourth paragraphs. I thought those were written beautifully. One thing to work on that I'd personally recommend is character voice? I'm not quite sure on how that could be improved, I'm terrible at writing dialogue myself, but the way the characters spoke didn't seem to be written as well as the description, though maybe someone else would disagree with me on that. Maybe try writing bits of description here and there to tell the reader how the characters would be speaking? I'm aware it's a screenplay, and whilst I'm not quite sure how those work, I'm pretty sure that mentioning how characters speak can easily fall under acting directions.

Overall, great work, I hope to see you continue with this in the future. :)

[Laura Lynn]

Unfortunately, even though there are blatant errors here, in my opinion it's 9.9 for what it's purpose currently is going for, I mean the effect. You can choose to edit out any nicely cheerful unnecessarily repetitive lines but that would change the style significantly

[DoormanDan]

This i quite good. There are MANY different directions you could go with this: which means you are off to a great start. There were a few grammar /spelling errors(but nothing that noticeable), and it could a tiny bit more description in some areas(ignore this if a screenplay isnt suppose to have tons of description), but apart from those things, this screenplay is promising. I give it an 8.5/10. Good job. Keep up the good work!

[Haley Wilson]

This is quite good! There are some minor grammatical errors but that is all the flaws that really stood out to me. I really like how you conveyed the main character's thoughts and feelings, because it really stuck in my mind. 8/10!