Calm Caribbean Surrender

Calm Caribbean Surrender

A Story by Rachael

Descriptive paragraph for school


Following one deep inhalation, the salty sea water emanates from an approaching ocean - the aroma of a perfect day on the coast. Just feet back from the water’s edge, white beach chairs stare straight into the sun itself. Seagulls soar through the vivid blue sky, a thump each time their wings beat against their sleek, weathered bodies. Noisy tourists set their bulky belongings upon every square inch of the now impure sand, each pollutant more unsatisfying than the last. Carrying a vast amount of supplies, tourists step off of the stiff boardwalk and onto the sun-baked layer of soft sand built with an infinite number of miniscule grains. Lifeguard’s feet blister from the burning sand, every sinking stride seeming ever more unbearable under the radiating heat of the topical sun. Individual grains attach themselves to any passing creature as the feeling of desert heat transforms into rainforest cool. When sun-bathers slip underneath the lukewarm water, all pain, worry, and stress fades farther and farther away, each baby step lowering them deeper into the ocean. At the moment of complete submersion, every shout, laugh, and splash completely vanish like clouds into rain. The silence echoes until the last breath of the swimmer escapes in a diminutive bubble dashing towards the glassy surface. Quickly, the face of the calm, turquoise water splits apart like the roots of Earth during a ferocious earthquake. Beach goers notice no temperature change with movement out of the water and onto the beach - both the ocean and air of equal warmth. After repacking the children’s waterlogged belongings, they begin the tiring trek to the boardwalk, it now seeming miles longer stretching across the horizon. While walking down the boardwalk, famished teens detect the wafting aroma of crisp, greasy hamburgers through the air which sparks a reminder of an empty stomach - after all, hunger visits early when spending the day on a Caribbean beach.

© 2011 Rachael

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FINALLY got around to reading this! Yay, I'm so glad you decided to rewrite it - it's AWESOME!

You used sooo much more imagery this time. It's beautiful, I can really feel it imagine it, and the way you described the tourists' pollution? Lovely ~ Truly, truly lovely ~

Small note: Second to last line, you have a " instead of a - which kind of bothers me. xD

Also, consider using paragraphs...

However other then that, I think it's totally awesome ~ Like, I can literally feel the water, the beach, the sun (man why does it have to be winter?). Anyways, I like how you focused it on the surroundings instead of one person (yay no school requirements!)

So yeah, beautiful ~

Posted 8 Years Ago

Beautiful words and amazing description took me to a good place. I need a tropical place to re-gain my thoughts and my health. I enjoyed the journey with your strong words. Thank you for the outstanding story.

Posted 8 Years Ago

Just the getaway I needed. The details were pretty amazing.
The only bad thing about this story is that it ended.

Posted 8 Years Ago

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3 Reviews
Added on November 3, 2011
Last Updated on November 18, 2011




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