In Retrospect

http://www.poetrycafe.org

 

I remember when

pugnacious flakes filled a void in the yard

stalwart arctic winds stood beckoning to guard

glazed surfaces chose deception as a final test

icicles melted from unorthodox fatigue, begging eternal rest

 

I remember when

a beacon illuminated the room

shadows prancing, collapsing--strewn

vociferous hurricanes left a calling card

wreaking havoc, nature leaving nature--marred

 

I remember when

the breeze brushed the dew upon my face

as transfixed lilacs bloomed, praising Grace

I freely rolled, as the clouds peeled away the sun

and the annals of her beams set, as the day was done

 

Reviews

[Ed Hart]

Here, you given us a little treat down memory lane; we've got a arctic winter winds; we've got a hurricanes; we've got a gentle spring breeze. This is a story of seasons. It is the last one that sings.

[Emily B]

now we can all remember it, thank you

[emmajoy]

Love the flow of this, the meter is almost perfect, and, you use words so very well. That last stanza is very beautiful, you've painted a masterpiece with words and I can almost see it.

Maybe read your poetry aloud, you don't have to use words that rhyme but find one with a similar sound .. as with David's comment re. guard.

I'm truly impressed .. you seem to find phrases as if by magic:
'clouds peeled away the sun

Thank you for inviting me to review, I'm delighted to do so.

(will read more as of tomorrow ..)

[David Lewis Paget]

Quite an ambitious metre, complicated, and yet it works. The lack of punctuation is a bit of a worry though. You've used two hyphens for pauses, and one comma, but not a period in the place. If nothing else, I think there should be a comma after 'set' in the final line. With regard to sense, or comprehension, I have a sneaking feeling that 'to guard' in line three is merely there to rhyme with 'yard'. Otherwise, to guard what? (And just quietly, it's 'ar(c)tic'). But yes, I did enjoy this piece.

[messydaisy]

This is beautiful. The use of words that not only add to the overall feeling but to the rhythm of the poem as well seems well thought out. I especially love the line "nature leaving nature--marred." Great job.