What I Wrote When I was Filled with Rage and Alcohol

{ I knew you didn't love me, but I adored you.}

Vivian,

I feel like I should apologize to you, and that's sick. It's so sick how I feel like I should apologize to you, when all I did was try and give you the sun and the moon and the stars and the whole damn universe, and all you did was give me scrap pieces of your time and run around with every guy that smiled at you.

I'm sick with you.

{but you're sicker with yourself}

You act like you've got everything figured out, and that you know who you are, but you don't, do you? You don't know anymore about yourself than we know about the depths of the ocean.

You told me that it wasn't you, that it was me. That I was suffocating you.

{suffocating you with my very heart and soul}

You f*****g ripped me apart, Vivian. Goddamn it, Vivian. You were everything to me. You were oxygen and food and shade and warmth and water and everything necessary in life. But, you were also my nightmares and lies and sadness and god, you killed me.

You f*****g wrapped those tiny, little hands around my throat and killed me.

{somedays I hope someone kills you, too}

I hope I never see you again.

Sincerely,
Someone stupid enough to love you