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Compartment 114
Compartment 114
Alone

Alone

A Poem by Sapphire Balasquez

Wavering they are,

Those lines of light,
They are dancing
Within dots of darkness
Might I faint?
And fall from this place?
Might I then die
And be allowed to leave this world behind
For whatever lies beyond?
That's what I see
In these bright drops,
These pieces of my soul
That remind me
How hungry my heart is,
How the comforting voice
Is no longer near
How the cheering face
Is never to return
How even the deepest canyon
Could not be filled
With as much as can be lost
 
That's what these bright, falling things show me,
That stream down my face,
That do not yield for an open door

© 2008 Sapphire Balasquez


Author's Note

Sapphire Balasquez
Advice? Plz <3

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Featured Review

beautifully expressed your loss and heart ache are palpable. The content is excellent You deliver your thoughts in well written poetic prose
the differing line lengths and lack of meter detract from the smooth flow if read aloud, which is the acid test for your poems.They shoulf flow as smoothly as warm honey on hot pancakes

Posted 16 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

That was brilliant!!!!
Tears as light... wow. It's a beautiful metaphor poetically, but personally it makes me want to run over there and hug you. T__T

I would say that the phrasing of the first line when combined with the third line is awkward to read, mostly because of the repeated "they" but also because of the odd phrasing in the first line. I would say that either losing the second "they" or rewording the first line would help the poem start off much more fluidly.

You do repeat the word "that" at the beginning of many lines. It might soften the poem a bit and make it easier to sympathize with if you change some of them.

It's beautiful! I love it. I'm coming to hug you now. Don't cry anymore T__T

Posted 16 Years Ago


beautifully expressed your loss and heart ache are palpable. The content is excellent You deliver your thoughts in well written poetic prose
the differing line lengths and lack of meter detract from the smooth flow if read aloud, which is the acid test for your poems.They shoulf flow as smoothly as warm honey on hot pancakes

Posted 16 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on August 2, 2008

Author

Sapphire Balasquez
Sapphire Balasquez

Niwot, CO



About
In my room of orange, I obsess over books, and write into the unearthly hours of the night, starting at my Shmoo for condolences. On any normal night, my music pushes my thoughts along until sleep ta.. more..

Writing