Translucence

Translucence


I feel it most
on empty summer nights
when I am filled to over-flowing
with a sense
of peace.

There is nothing more to these nights.
there is no heat / no cold
only a startling stilness
that settles over me
like a translucent blanket
(throwing everything into
unexpected clarity)

there is no cold / no heat
only my heart beat
as it pressed inside me

My eyes will close
(whether I will them to or not)
they will close because
the stillness is
so heavy

and yet light enough
to give me the feeling
that

I am about to fly.

My feet are firmly pressed
against blades of fresh-smelling
dew-covered
grass

yet I recognize that the sky
is so much closer
to me
now.

Reviews

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I could simply say a beautiful poem but with your work i can't, your expression of the human condition is so extremely amazing... this has the feeling of someone who worries about future love based upon painful memories of the past and these line

My feet are firmly pressed
against blades of fresh-smelling
dew-covered
grass

yet I recognize that the sky
is so much closer
to me
now.

wow what a way to say that all though you are keeping a cautious outlook you are willing to give love a chance to do you right.

I LOVE THIS but then again when don't I, if you ever put out a book of poetry I am first in line.

[JP thinks the WC is apt..]

Very tranquil this. I can only reiterate what others have said - the wording is lovely and it is a very calming read. I like the contrasting wordplay of 'empty summer nights' and 'filled to over-flowing'.

[Kenny Blade]

This is a really peaceful poem. Loved it

Peace
KBlade

[Lyttleton]

This reminds me of college... I don't know why, and I'm likely not going to be able to give a very good critique of it... but just reading it feels like poems I read (other's, women I suppose) where this was just a moment in time that was captured wonderfully and I wanted to be able to be there, not in the moment, but seeing it play out... slow motion, though, definitely in slow motion.

"they will close because
the stillness is
so heavy"
This I loved. Absolutely loved. This I feel.

(throwing everything into
unexpected clarity) Some reason, this takes me out of the poem for a moment... a case of "telling not showing", if you will... though, I thinks that's kind of the point, and it works with the next line in parentheses... I don't know, those two lines just feel a little too much like you're saying "Just in case you didn't get it, this moment was sublime."

Possibly, also, along those lines, I might add another sentence in parentheses at the end, to give a little balance (or I'd just take out the first one and leave the 2nd one).

Well, just my thoughts, but this was really good, displays an eye for the poetry in every day moments.

[Jonathan Weiss]

I like the feeling tone of this poem, and the outright optimism brought about by the FILLING of e-m-p-t-y summer nights.

Don't understand the need for the parenthetical lines....but that is the poet's choice.

I feel punctuation should be used either all, or none at all, consequently, I would capitalize "there" in S2L2.

Enjoyed the read.

[Katrina Mckeown]

Beautifully written!

[Scott Casale]

Nicely worded. Very fluid, with an exception 'that'.

[Sean Allen]

Woa Kara,
this is marvelous, a very nice mix of words, any of which by themselves are nothing unless they are craftfuly put with others as you have done here.
I felt like I was about to fly through that translucent blanket that was pressing down on you.
Donn

[T. W. Gant]

This is a very distant and nonchalant voice - you use a lot of poetic techniques such as sibilance in a natural way - I think that's why this piece is so successful...

My only suggestion would be to lose the "that" at the end of the stanza:
"and yet light enough
to give me the feeling
that"

I think the "that" would be implied enough to remove it - after all, it does appear sort of awkward :)
very good piece
tom

[Brett Campaigne]

transcendence makes translucent, got it.

a breath of fresh air is in reading, here.

[Starlight]

Truly beautiful must say... it sounds so profound, yet so very synesthetic... absolutely loved it. You build an atmosphere so tangibly...