my greedy heart

how greedy is the human heart.

one moment content to be within an embrace
the next wanting more than a mere
moment's taste.

how greedy, how needy, how desperate it can be.
clouding reality
of all clarity.

simpering here, the heart sits and pouts.
needing more than it thought before.
(more than it's even prepared
to ask for.)

how greedy is this human heart.

filled with warmth for that which draws near.
…simultaneously pulling away
-pulling away-
in fear.

how greedy, how needy, how foolish it can be.
reaching deep into the earth
for serenity.

Reviews

[Juliet]

I love the rhyme in this poem. I usually don't like rhyming poems, but you were very clever with this one. And I love the last stanza. Perfect!

Thank you!

[Madeline Moore]

Very nice, well thought out poem. I really like it.

[LUX]

i can relate!! you captured this concept of "greed" very well!

I want what I don't have by instinct...i really can't help it. And you've nailed the idea perfectly. Even the most perfect people have all these underlying feelings. I drown in this sensation though. It's kind of a rush, the chase that is. I thought this described me perfectly...so you were stalking me lol. Anyway, unless you're trying to be some all-star poet that's more famous than mel gibson...i wouldn't take that one comment to heart. besides...we real cool wasn't all that great...modern and something never heard before...maybe some meaning...but to what you're trying to write about, that's like chicken s**t, I hate that poem now. It's like a nursery school rhyme with a basic meaning. This poem is about the human psyche and the unexplained need, the lack of reason behind human desire. Jesus, this is more brilliant that that poem like infinity to the infinitieth power. anyway, lol goodnight.

[Redlightshooter]

I've been there, and I totally agree.

I say just ignore that last comment, this flowed very nicely.

[Doom]

Hmm.

So basically with this poem, I see two problems minus the subject. When you use certain words, you pretty much are fighting an uphill battle against banality. Heart, sadly, is one of those words.


Knowing that, the other two issues I have with this are, the repition and the the execution. Greed and hearts are two things that just about all of us know a good deal about. So when you title a piece X and then continually repeat X throughout the poem, it's overkill. Sort of like being 13 and telling your parents you're going to run away 27 times, but never actually gather up the bits to get a bag, pack up, and leave. The repitition is dating the cliche and they make a horrible couple. They run around town screwing around in parks on Saturday afternoons leaving parents to explain why those two were wrestling naked. Rather than repeating greed, show me your wonderful command of the English language in action. Bring together some new words, and a bit of simplicity. Leading into the next ... show me the greed, rather than telling me.

Show don't tell, I've heard this a million times from professors. It's a simple rule, but really hard to execute properly. Showing is how some of the great American poets were able to make poems about the most mundane of topics. Imagine Gwendolyn Brooks' poem "We Real Cool" without the action. She would have just repeated how cool they were. No shooting straight, no staying up late, instead of telling us how cool they were she captured images of what she thought they thought made them cool and showed us.


Anyway show me what makes your heart greedy, and I'm sure this will be an amazing poem. To me, the whole point of poetry is perspective, give me a reason to read your poem ... show me what it's like to see things like Kara.

[MAC]

Oh wow Kara....this is terrific. Ain't that the truth about love. Very well written not to be a truly clever piece.

((hugs))

Mark

[Scott Casale]

HA!

So much for the erotic dance of dominance and submission. It really comes down to settling- or not.

"one moment content to be within an embrace
the next wanting more than a mere
moment's taste."
exactly.

[Trisha Clark]

Shock and awe! Kara wrote something fantastic.

:)


"simpering here, the heart sits and pouts.
needing more than it thought before.
(more than it's even prepared
to ask for.) "

This little bit right here hits close to home.

As usual, you're amazing.

[Gandré]

I love it how you grasp just a thing you are touched by in your day...and you wrap it into wonderful poetic words and ....then we are touched....

I loved this very much:

"simpering here, the heart sits and pouts.
needing more than it thought before.
(more than it's even prepared
to ask for.)

how greedy is this human heart. "

thank you for sharing with us !
you are a wonderful and talented writer!