Chapter 3: One-to-OneA Chapter by a schizophrenic writer not as exciting as the other two chapters but it is a very important part of the book.
I woke up to my wrist and ankle restraints being undone by an older man, probably in his fifties or sixties. He wore round glasses and had white hair that looked as though he was struck by lightning. He introduced himself as Dr. Shepard, the male psychiatrist for the adolescent program. He told me that he would be working with me while I was at the hospital.
I painfully sat up, the large bruises from the car crash filled my body with pain, the deep scratches on my back burned, and the gash on my wrist was killing me. When the doctor noticed I was in pain, he stepped out of the padded room and returned a moment later with a young blonde skinny female nurse. The nurse introduced herself as Jess and then took a look at my bruises and then at my back, she put some ointment on my back and gave me some pain pills, which I gratefully accepted. Then she took a look at my wrist and wrapped it in gauze. Because of the previously severed tendon on my left wrist, I was suppose to try to use my right hand for everything and I was not suppose to lift anything heavy. The doctor had told me that it will take a while to heal and that I shouldn't expect to be able to use it anytime soon. The doctor began asking me questions just like they had when I was getting admitted. I spilled again, I told him everything and he took notes just like Mary had the night before. The voices told me that he thought I was crazy, they said that I didn't need to be in the hospital. They told me I was stupid because I was telling people about them. They called me unspeakable names and they echoed everything the doctor said in a mocking tone. After the questioning, he brought me a new gown and socks. He told me I should try to be social with the kids and try to distract myself from the voices. So I went out into the main room of the unit, and looked around. There were only about eight kids there, and about three staff, including Jess. I went to sit at an empty chair when another staff approached me. He was only a few inches taller than me and he wore glasses and had a very attractive beard. He stopped me before I sat down and introduced himself as Ben, then he told me that because of the episode the night before, I would be on a one-to-one checks. He explained it as being on a leash, I could do almost everything the other patients could but I'd be observed by a staff the whole day. Then he told me that usually the one-to-one checks don't last long and that I would likely be on regular checks in a couple days. When I was finally able to sit down, my back stung when it touched the back of the chair, but I ignored the pain and looked around. All the other patients were girls, and once I sat down two of the girls moved down and greeted me. They began talking to me but it was really hard for me to listen, because I was still hearing these two frightening voices telling me how worthless I was and how I didn't deserve to be alive. But from what I managed to grasp from the girls' attempt to create conversation, they were asking what brought me into the hospital. I didn't really want anyone to think that I'm crazy but regardless, I told the girls that I heard voices in my head. They seemed shocked but they tried to hide it probably because they didn't want to offend me. One of the girls, Rachel, was about my age and had short hair shaved on the sides and it looked dyed red. She told me she was in the hospital to stop cutting. The other girl, Maddie, had long curly brown hair and looked to be taller than me. She told me she was there because she tried to commit suicide. We talked for awhile until I couldn't bare the voices, so I tried to cover my ears and put my head on the table. Unfortunately, the voices did not flee instead they told me how much they hated me and how I shouldn't even be alive. I guess Ben really was watching me because a moment after I put my head down he appeared. He stood me up and walked me to my room, but the short walk seemed like it lasted forever. When we got to my room I collapsed on the ground, I was so exhausted and in pain that I just didn't want to get up. Ben crouched down and began talking to me, he talked about how medication can help people with these symptoms. Then he said that using grounding techniques and coping skills that the hospital would give me would help even more than the medication. Ben helped me to my bed and told me that whenever I felt like I could handle it to return to be with the others. Then he asked if I felt safe enough to be left alone, and even though I was unsure, I told him that I'd be fine. When he left he had to leave the door wide open because I was on one-to-one checks. Laying there, a thought came into my head, "Why me?" Only ten minutes went by until Ben came in telling me I had a phone call. I followed him to the phone and picked it up to hear my mother's voice on the other end. She asked how everything was and I lied and said that it was going well and that I'm just getting used to the hospital setting. After a little while of talking, she told me that she would bring some clothes with her when she came down at visiting hours. She told me that visiting hours were eleven to one, and she asked if there was anything I needed, I told her that just the clothes would be nice. After my phone call I went to join the other patients who were now making bracelets. Once I sat down, Dr. Shepard came over and asked to talk to me, I agreed and he guided me to my room. He asked me how I was doing and I said I was fine, even though inside I felt like I was dying. The voices were still there and I felt hopeless. The doctor said that a lot of times medication can help people with these kinds of symptoms. I said that anything that might give me some relief, I would love to try. He told me that he would write a script for an anti-psychotic medication called Risperidone.
© 2014 a schizophrenic writerAuthor's Note
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4 Reviews  Last Updated on February 7, 2014 Tags: paranoid schizophrenia, schizophrenia, schizophrenic, voices, demons, hospital, suicide, mental hospital, psych ward Author
a schizophrenic writerAboutI mostly write depressing poems but I'm also working on a book about a young man with schizophrenia and his struggles. more..Writing
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