Chp. 1

In the early morning...
" Good morning, Iris. How did you sleep?" her Dad, Fredrick asked.
" I didn't, Rayne kept me up all night... crying." Iris replied.
" Did you get up to see what was wrong?" Fredrick asked.
" No." Iris replied stubornley.
" Well, why not?"
" I wanted to sleep." Iris said, ending the conversation.
Iris rolled her eyes... thinking how she was not this baby's mother. She gets up and walks out the door, into her Dad's car, waiting for him to get the baby and drive her to school.                    

 

School was something that Iris hated. Everyone though Iris was insane. Nobody got near her 'cause, they thought she had some kind
of STD. She was use to it by now but, she remembers when she use to cry about it. Now the only times she cries are when she cuts the razor deeper than it's suppose to be...

 

They headed toward Highcrest, it was a mile away from home. Highcrest is in the middle of the city named Kitmark. Kitmark is bigger than San Diego and Los Angeles put together. Highcrest has the population of 5,000 teenagers. It teaches 8th -12th grade. There are about 53 students in each class. 3/5 students fail each class. Iris was a straight A student. She never told people though.

 

They arrive at Highcrest. The cool table, cheerleaders, goths, emos, weirdos, and freaks all in different groups. Iris belonged to none of them. Iris had long brown hair, usually wore down. She wore anything really. It goes from baggy man shirts to tight
6 years old clothes. Everyone stares when she gets out of the car. She knows the drill. Put your head down, ashamed of who  you are, straight to class. Iris sits in the back of the class. She doesn't like anyone staring. They do anyways. She doesn't want
people to see her practically demolish her arm. They never have. Iris is skinny. Skinnier than anyone. She weighes about 69 pounds. Her dad doesn't notice she's anorexic. Nobody does care. That's why she's so miserable and mad.

Reviews

[Alex Thomas]

You have good ideas going. You switch from past tense to present tense. The writing style was a bit simplistic. Try to vary your sentences. Iris seems like she has an interesting character.