Fire Quenched Your Rain

  When you're the cure, I will not be the cause.

When you're the cause, I must be the cure.

Come, let the fire quench the rain.

Let the rain burn through the night

Let the dark envelope light.

Come, let the fire quench the rain.

  When you pain, as do I, I fall chastised from the sky.

When you're joyed, as am I, I catch a glimpse of tears you cry.

Come, let the cold warm your heart.

Let the shroud save the face.

Let the mask reveal your true intent

Come, let the cold warm your heart.

  As if life has nothing more to offer, I see you offer more

As if death captures beauty, I see beauty capture you.

Come, let us hide our faces from each other.

Let us share our embarrassment.

Let us be unabashed by what we do.

Come, let us hide our faces from each other.

  As if vanity were your triumphant song, you sing a song anew.

As if pride were your only enemy, there is no pride in you.

Come let wisdom find your years, and I pray the years be kind.

Indeed you have been blessed.

As blessed as none have been before.

You have slipped beyond salvation and the fire quenched your rain.

  

Reviews

[Clouded in Hopeful Illu..]

Hello there!

Thank you for sharing your work with us. I enjoyed this poem because it brought about something new in the sense that it was a refreshing take on the subject. I think the form works really well up for this poem and helps to add to the tone of the writing. I do have a few suggestions (I pretty much always do) which are outlined below. They are just suggestions so you can take or leave whatever it is that you like. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask! :)

"Let the rain burn through the night" --- this is beautiful image. It is probably my favorite line in the whole poem.

"When you pain, as do I, I fall sacred from the sky.
When you you're joyed, as am I, I catch a glimpse of tears you cry." -- You have an extra "you" at the beginning of the second line here. Also, the end of the first line where the speaker falls sacred from the sky really throws me off. I guess I am having trouble with the image "sacred" creates here.

"As if life has nothing more to offer, I see you offer more
As if death captures beauty, I see beauty capture you." --This is amazing. These two lines really play off of each other well to create such a morbid, but beautiful, feeling to this poem.

"Come, let us hide our faces from each other.
Let us share our embarrassment.
Let us be unabashed by what we do.
Come, let us hide our faces from each other." --- For me, this stanza brought the whole poem together. It reminds me a lot of the tale of Eros(also known as Cupid) and Psyche. With that connection made, the whole poem seemed to be taken into an even deeper level, whether it was your intention or not. If you have not read the myth between Eros and Psyche, I think you should. It could help to make this an even stronger poem without directly relating it to the myth itself.

I am having trouble with the last stanza. For me the poem ended at "Come, let us hide our faces from each other." - the end of the third from last stanza. The ending stanza as it stands now doesn't seem to have the same tone as the rest of the poem. Another reason I might be having trouble with that last stanza is because the form of your poem breaks there. The last stanza doesn't follow the rest of the form which can be distracting to your readers.

+YourMidnightSecret+

[realmwriter]

Your suggestions have been wayed and I will correct the mistakes that you pointed out, as I myself did not notice them through secral readings. than you for that. The last stanza of the poem is an attempt at turning the whole thing on its head and making the reader think what the poem was about as a whole. But as I re read it with your observation in mind I can see where yo correct in stating that the pom ended in the third to last Stanza. The two stanza there after really are not needed. I also wote them in because I am a bit obsessed with my stanzsa beeing of an even number, though not all of my works reflect this trait. I truly appreciate your suggestions and observations. You are rather knowledgable about this subject as I can see. Might I make a request of you? I would be honnored if you would cretique some of my other works in a simaler fasion as Iam allways seeking to improve my writing. Again. thank you so much for your extensive input, it means a lot...! :)

[realmwriter]

As I cannot edit the above remarks, let me say that I noticed all of the spelling errors but alas, I cannot fix them...!

[Clouded in Hopeful Illusions of False Delusions]

I love trying to be helpful since I appreciate it when people treat my work as such, so of course I will review some more of your work! I love your style and your vocabulary. :)

[realmwriter]

Thank you so much I look forward to reading them tomorrow as I am out of time today...! :)

[Sophy Freebirds]

This is a very mystical read... i liked the word quench... yes we are all in search of that water of wisdom that will quench our thirst... this was such an intriguing read. It gave me food for thought. This poem has many layers with deep underlying meaning.

~Sophy

[realmwriter]

Thank you very much. I hardly know what to say. Other than I truly appreciate it.

[Sophy Freebirds]

Was a pleasure :)

[Butch Decatoria]

Good write, can almost feel/hear the music, to your lyrics scripted here, thanks writer... Poet..

[realmwriter]

Thank you so very much. I truly appreciate it.

[Frieda P]

This is par excellence, your title drew me in, and it lived up to its fervor and intentions. The juxtaposition of many of your lines make it even more enthralling...outstanding read.

[realmwriter]

Thank you so very much, I truly appreciate it.

[Frieda P]

The pleasure was mine, went into my favorites toot sweet! :)

[realmwriter]

Again, thank you for reading and reviewing and placing in your favorites

[Ashira Macy]

I really liked how you set this piece up. The push and pull in the beginning set the tone and rhythm for the rest of the piece and made is aesthetically pleasing. I liked your used of repetition, sandwiching certain stanzas with the same line. It made this poem unique. You also brought about stunning imagery.

[realmwriter]

Thank you so much for those kind words. It's funny, I don't set out to write a poem with any certain rhythm, it just kind of...happens. Same with the set up. I just write what comes to mind and kind of get in a flow that seems to, at least from the readers perspective, translate to the page. Again, thank you so much.

[Ashira Macy]

That just makes it natural. That you don't think about it, but write it in the way that sounds best to you helps the reader along as well.

[realmwriter]

Thank you.

[AprilRN1210]

What stark contrasts you have weaved throughout this burning rainstorm that has tickled my senses and teased my mind.. It connects in such strong, twists and turns and paints this roller coaster imagery that makes you wonder is up down or down up... It is like a dance with irony of sorts.. very thought-provoking for sure.. and I have to say it stimulated my thoughts in such a wicked manner that I want to read again and again... very different.. Makes me want to get drenched in a fiery rain and be the cause to your cure... It tickled me in all the right places, sir.. I really liked it.. nice job:)

[realmwriter]

Thank you so very much my friend, I am grateful beyond measure. I am also very happy that you where tickled in all the right places. After the piece I just wrote this made me smile and shake off the tears I just shed. Thank you. :)

[AprilRN1210]

It was my pleasure.. you are more than welcome.. well, let the sunshine in!!!!... rainbows and giggles to share after the rain.. here... even a... ((hug))... :)

[realmwriter]

:) :) :) :) Gotta fill in at least ten characters so Here's a few more smiles :) :) :)

[kublakhan27]

Hard to single out any particular favourite bits in this one, it's such a well-oiled machine and definitely greater than the sum of its parts...I love elemental imagery to start, so you had me at the title and I hung on joyfully for the ride from there on...I loved the juxtaposition of opposing images and the oxymorons, a bit of a forgotten art when it comes to poetry, which makes this piece stand out all the more...from a romantic standpoint, this brought to mind the 'opposites attract' mantra, and how true love can fight back all the fundamental differences...I was totally captivated by this piece, nicely done my friend.

[realmwriter]

I don't have words that can express how greatful I am for your review, other than to say thank you so very much. I am very pleased that you liked it and that you found it so captivating. :)

[kublakhan27]

Always a pleasure :)

[realmwriter]

As it is with me.

[Cory Barrett]

Does this piece have a technical form, or is it one that you came up with yourself. Either way i really enjoy this form. The concept of the typical catalyst being the resolve is a fantastic one. Really enjoyed.

[realmwriter]

I'm not sure that it has a technical form, i just sort of wrote it has it occured to me in my mind, so I guess you could say I came up with the form of it. I am ahppy and greatful that you enjoyed both the piece and the form. Thank you very much!

[Alfred Kukitz]

Inviting so I traveled along, felt blessed by the developing theme and felt a certain joy when you announced me beyond salvation.

[realmwriter]

My personal beliefs are, that we are none beyond salvation, for the price has been payed. But alas we ignore that door and walk blindly into our destruction. Thank you for your kind review.

[John Anderson]

This is really fantastic.............

[realmwriter]

Thank you very much, Mr Anderson. Sorry, I couldn't help it.

[A. Amos]

You made me speechless, I totally was lost in your words your verses...I always thought words can create a magically spell...today you made me believed that for sure...epic!

[realmwriter]

Thank you for your very kind words. I do apologies for my untimely reply. I've just been so busy lately. Haven't even had time to write and that is a travesty.

[A. Amos]

No worries and you're most welcome.