Fire Quenched Your Rain

  When you're the cure, I will not be the cause.

When you're the cause, I must be the cure.

Come, let the fire quench the rain.

Let the rain burn through the night

Let the dark envelope light.

Come, let the fire quench the rain.

  When you pain, as do I, I fall chastised from the sky.

When you're joyed, as am I, I catch a glimpse of tears you cry.

Come, let the cold warm your heart.

Let the shroud save the face.

Let the mask reveal your true intent

Come, let the cold warm your heart.

  As if life has nothing more to offer, I see you offer more

As if death captures beauty, I see beauty capture you.

Come, let us hide our faces from each other.

Let us share our embarrassment.

Let us be unabashed by what we do.

Come, let us hide our faces from each other.

  As if vanity were your triumphant song, you sing a song anew.

As if pride were your only enemy, there is no pride in you.

Come let wisdom find your years, and I pray the years be kind.

Indeed you have been blessed.

As blessed as none have been before.

You have slipped beyond salvation and the fire quenched your rain.

  

Reviews

[Clouded in Hopeful Illu..]

Hello there!

Thank you for sharing your work with us. I enjoyed this poem because it brought about something new in the sense that it was a refreshing take on the subject. I think the form works really well up for this poem and helps to add to the tone of the writing. I do have a few suggestions (I pretty much always do) which are outlined below. They are just suggestions so you can take or leave whatever it is that you like. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask! :)

"Let the rain burn through the night" --- this is beautiful image. It is probably my favorite line in the whole poem.

"When you pain, as do I, I fall sacred from the sky.
When you you're joyed, as am I, I catch a glimpse of tears you cry." -- You have an extra "you" at the beginning of the second line here. Also, the end of the first line where the speaker falls sacred from the sky really throws me off. I guess I am having trouble with the image "sacred" creates here.

"As if life has nothing more to offer, I see you offer more
As if death captures beauty, I see beauty capture you." --This is amazing. These two lines really play off of each other well to create such a morbid, but beautiful, feeling to this poem.

"Come, let us hide our faces from each other.
Let us share our embarrassment.
Let us be unabashed by what we do.
Come, let us hide our faces from each other." --- For me, this stanza brought the whole poem together. It reminds me a lot of the tale of Eros(also known as Cupid) and Psyche. With that connection made, the whole poem seemed to be taken into an even deeper level, whether it was your intention or not. If you have not read the myth between Eros and Psyche, I think you should. It could help to make this an even stronger poem without directly relating it to the myth itself.

I am having trouble with the last stanza. For me the poem ended at "Come, let us hide our faces from each other." - the end of the third from last stanza. The ending stanza as it stands now doesn't seem to have the same tone as the rest of the poem. Another reason I might be having trouble with that last stanza is because the form of your poem breaks there. The last stanza doesn't follow the rest of the form which can be distracting to your readers.

+YourMidnightSecret+

[realmwriter]

Your suggestions have been wayed and I will correct the mistakes that you pointed out, as I myself did not notice them through secral readings. than you for that. The last stanza of the poem is an attempt at turning the whole thing on its head and making the reader think what the poem was about as a whole. But as I re read it with your observation in mind I can see where yo correct in stating that the pom ended in the third to last Stanza. The two stanza there after really are not needed. I also wote them in because I am a bit obsessed with my stanzsa beeing of an even number, though not all of my works reflect this trait. I truly appreciate your suggestions and observations. You are rather knowledgable about this subject as I can see. Might I make a request of you? I would be honnored if you would cretique some of my other works in a simaler fasion as Iam allways seeking to improve my writing. Again. thank you so much for your extensive input, it means a lot...! :)

[realmwriter]

As I cannot edit the above remarks, let me say that I noticed all of the spelling errors but alas, I cannot fix them...!

[Clouded in Hopeful Illusions of False Delusions]

I love trying to be helpful since I appreciate it when people treat my work as such, so of course I will review some more of your work! I love your style and your vocabulary. :)

[realmwriter]

Thank you so much I look forward to reading them tomorrow as I am out of time today...! :)

[Lily Mae]

I love the way it moves back and forth like a dance.. it almost teases the thoughts.. I really love this piece... and I am partial to fire and rain...x

[realmwriter]

As am I partial to it...! Thank you for reading it. I like the dance refrance, seems rather fitting...! :)

[Lily Mae]

Anytime..xo

[realmwriter]

Thank you for the Kiss and Hug *I blush* and feel a bit embaressed...! No that is not your fault, I am just shy.

[Lily Mae]

;)

[CHRIS ANDES]

i like the irony in it
=]
especially the way you campared things

[realmwriter]

Thank You For your review my friend. Means a lot to me.

[CHRIS ANDES]

your welcome
..you're full of inspiration
=]

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

Wow! This piece is woven into so much, meaning it say alot and has strength!

[realmwriter]

Thank You very much. Still can't believe I get such positive reviews!

[realmwriter]

Deeply balanced aspects, Yin-Yang, truth, woven in between the work of the true essence, being and soul. I loved this. The opposite is brilliantly worded by you.

I feel to come back and re-read it over and over again when I have a moment like you had when you wrote this. Amazing. Well said.

E.L.

[realmwriter]

Thank You E.L. I really enjoy your work as well. Very close to the cuff it is.

Thank you so much, and I am just a Dutchie, who love to learn... awesome job :)

[realmwriter]

wow this is deep and well expressed

[realmwriter]

Thank you

[Octob3r Star]

"Come, let the fire quench the rain." This was very poetic. This entire piece is moving. Thanks for sharing. Cheers

[Ripple of Aqua]

My favorite line: "Let the rain burn through the night
Let the dark envelope light." Remarkable!

[Rowan Storm]

Blessed. I'm rubbing off.

[joshua deathdealer]

Bravo. This is perfect and a very much needed poem. Well done.