despair

You never really tell anyone how you feel.

If you could find the words to properly describe it,

that black hole that lives inside you,

you would frighten them.

The truth is that you swallow glass every day.

you feel as if the whole world has gone stale,

it's grey while everyone else is seeing color. 

That's the simple part.

The scary part is how often you day dream of dying.

It floats into your thoughts without warning,

the passing car

the empty bridge

the medicine cabinet. 

You are filled with despair so regularly,

that you absorb it like water. 

It seeps in through your skin,

you use it to brush you teeth,

to wash you hair.

Suddenly,

you don't know how to live without it. 

Author's Note

please review. again, i'm not really feeling the title. any ideas?

Reviews

[Roshan Nair]

Grey toned rainbow. I know its not much but thats what I could think in terms of a title when I tried, despair works perfectly though :)
I liked the piece, could empathize with a lot and know that this feeling is nearly universal to everyone at some point.
Great write audrey :) Liked your style of writing on this one immensely

[....................]

When we find ourselves in despair it is usually all-consuming; it is as if our world has come to an end. I am with the others, I think "Despair" is a fitting title.

[Gerry Legister]

This imagery of darkness reveals the other side of us, and we carry this dreary subject around in earthern vessels, it is a challenging work that you have done here, which is brushing alongside each of us

[zephyrx]

but it shouldn't be this way, it sad that it most frequently is. yet.. we should find freedom within ourselves, i believe we can escape, we find what it was to live again, even if it''s only in our mind.

[Justin Xavier Smith]

Wow. This is actually really good. Something about the line "the truth is you swallow glass every day" really spoke to me. And then of course the rest of it reads so easily but packs in so much meaning to every line... it's relatable and heartbreaking how relatable it is. Even though I am currently not feeling any sense of despair, there was definitely a time in my life where it was all I lived and breathed.

For a title... maybe something like "Swallowing Glass" or "Empty Me", although I think "Despair" works, for sure.

[ANTO]

Hi A.H.
I think 'Despair' as a title just about nails it.
The writing is dark - no doubt about that - the overwhelming nature of depression is its ability to impinge on all aspects of 'life' and so we feel that we have lost our 'life' to it.
I take meds for mines. I used to drink to anesthetise instead but that causes its own problems so meds it is...
You described the life of a depressed person here succinctly, nothing left out - except maybe that it doesn't always last - like the phases of euphoria, then just joy and then plateau-ing at some sort of normalcy, then getting down, the darkest time is a phase -

There's nothing to fear but fear itself - believe in your abilities to work through this and remember that we are survivors - how else have are we still here?

You're writing is dark but it does have its silver lining A.H. - it inspires...