Chapter Four

Chapter Three is a flashback sequence that I have yet to finish. This here continues from where Chapter Two ended.

CHAPTER FOUR

Offering her my hand, "Hi," expecting the green sparkle of her eyes. But, there is a change in her demeanor. Her words of a few seconds ago had feelings in them, soft and caring. Now, there is an air of rigid formality, detachment.

Instead of taking my hand and sitting on the bed with me, sits in the chair, crossing her legs and taking another sip of the coffee. The perfectly disciplined posture, her face giving away nothing. She is hiding her feelings, can't say I blame her after my treatment of her this morning.

"You wanted to see me?" The unemotional monotone is almost physically painful. Hearing the nervousness in my own words, "Sorry I pushed you away this morning, I was being selfish and cruel. I'm sorry I hurt you. Don't know if," pausing to reflect on words that I never should have said. And unsettled by a cold stare that I can no longer tolerate, the guilt I feel from those eyes is too much to endure. So, I direct my attention downward, trying to regroup from nearly being in tears. Painfully croaking out the words, "I know that I hurt you deeply. Wish I could take it back. I am very sorry."

Not moving my head from its slung position, I look out of the corner of my eye for a status check and nothing about her has changed. Another sip of the coffee, "how do you presume to know that you hurt me at all?" The tone of voice, very matter of fact, calculated, precise. A tone that sends a chill down my spine. She is testing me, now fear is heaped upon guilt. Reaching for my glass of water, a couple of sips for my suddenly parched mouth. Sips that turn into gulps. Gulps that don't quench. Trembling as I set down the glass, feeling hoarse and needing to clear my throat, "by the sound of your footsteps, you have a unique walk. Distinct enough that I can differentiate it from anyone else’s, slightly fast and with a very regular tempo. I even have a name for it……………… This morning as you left, it was…… dramatically altered, slow, irregular. I regretted my words at that moment. My behavior was inexcusable. I am ashamed. I am sorry."

Draining her cup and tossing it into the waste receptacle, her tone unwavering, "do you know why you said those things?" Getting the feeling of being interrogated by a trained professional. Biting my lower lip and sighing, still unable to look at her, "No, but I have a theory." Clearing my throat again. "You are quick to frustration and/or anger when I am being emotional instead of logical, and that makes me feel rejected. That the woman I am in love with, cannot, or will not, accept me for who I am. Think I wanted you to know what that rejection felt like. It was not a conscious or deliberate act. Wish it had not happened. I apologize for doing that to you."

Her beeper buzzes and I flinch at the surprise. Saying nothing, as she stands and walks to the door. Still afraid to look at her but so very much wanting to. I hear the whine of the hydraulic cylinder, the door stop dropping, but no further footsteps. Very afraid to see if she is still staring at me with those cold eyes but I bring my head up anyway. Standing there looking at me, maybe a hint of warmth in her eyes but I cannot be sure, "I’ll see you later." I sigh in relief at knowing she wants to see me again. Walking out the door and down to the elevators, I hear that distinctive Trish March. Surprised, satisfied, and suddenly so sleepy. The soothing sound of steps singing me to sleep. 

Painfully waking from a deep sleep, the buzz of a million crickets on the hottest summer night in my head, "tired of being sleepy all the time." I hear a book close beside me, “Then you shouldn’t have gotten your leg broken, mister.” Trying to shake off the groggy as I wipe goo from my eyes with the bedsheet. I find the reading light on and Trish in the chair beside me. She’s wearing a t-shirt, sweats, and sneakers instead of the usual button-up blouse, pencil skirt, and heels. Sitting there very casually with her arm propping up her head instead of a precise militant posture. Not sure what to make of this change, “Since when does my girlfriend crack jokes?” Standing and stretching like she’d been there awhile, “Girlfriend? Earlier it was the woman you were in love with.” Still confused but willing to play along, “You may look like the woman I’m in love with, after only three months of dating I might add. But you aren’t dressed like her, don’t sound like her, don’t feel like her.” Even at this remark she keeps the same energy about her, no hint of anger, playful even, “don’t like what you see?” And she spins around in a little dance. I am stunned by her open and relaxed state, “very much like what I see, it’s just a surprise,” offering her my hand. This time she takes it, “good, that makes me happy.” The feeling of her skin against mine, sending a wave of joy throughout my body. And she truly does look happy, don’t know that I’ve even heard her USE the word before, much less SEEN it. In a horrible Posh British accent, I ask, “care to join me in repose, milady?” In an equally horrible accent, “don’t mind if I do, kind sir.”

Not letting go of my hand, she sits down on the bed. Kicking off the sneakers, pivoting around to bring her body up against mine. Snuggling in, our fingers interlace and we are the closest we have ever been, physically and emotionally. The pit in my stomach from this morning, replaced by butterflies. Positioning herself on her side, I have to adjust my pillow so I can face her better. Our eyes meet and that green shimmer appears, more intensely than I’ve seen so far. Her free hand comes to a rest on my chest, placing my free hand upon hers. My heart seemingly thundering away under them, “does this count as a date?” Trish thinks about this for a moment, “that depends.” Intrigued, “on?” Those amazing eyes shimmer again, “whether you’re gonna kiss me or not.”

When our mouths finally part, we just lay there lost in the euphoria of each other. After what seems like hours I summon the courage to ask, “what’s with the sudden change of… disposition?” Luckily, she doesn’t appear to get defensive, “don’t you mean attitude?” Raising my eyebrows, “well, they are synonyms.” Breaking eye contact to rest her head on my shoulder, “I've thought a lot about what you said this morning. About you being in love with me. How you feel rejected at my reaction to your feelings. And how I feel about you…” I want to ask how she feels about me but decide to let her talk it through, caressing the back of her hand on my chest with my thumb to let her know I am present. “Plus, you doing what you did to protect your student from my anger. Just like how I try to protect my patients. Guess I lost sight of how much my anger was affecting people.” Shifting her head to make eye contact again, “I’m glad you weren’t a pushover when it came to protecting Becky. I understand how much I really could have hurt her. I’m sorry.” I see the sincerity and the softness of her eyes, “I forgive you, but...” She tenses at the word, I try to be reassuring by brushing the stray lock of hair from her face to over her ear, “I would appreciate it if you, not necessarily apologize to her, maybe find some time to talk to her like you’re talking to me now, be accepting of her feelings. I think that would go a long way to ease any guilt she may be feeling toward you, helping her to move forward.” She smiles and raises her eyebrows, “To Bill?” I smile back, “yes, a fine bright young man, he has an instinctual feel for geology. Good manners, gentle disposition, I think they’ll make a fine couple.” Another beaming smile from her, “Like us?” I become more serious, “darlin, I don’t think there’s another couple on this earth like us.” Her eyes dart back and forth, looking into mine for meaning, “why do you say it like that?” Relaxing as my heart becomes content in her trying to understand me, “a feeling I have. All I need is for you to trust my feelings, and to trust yours in letting go of the anger.” Her eyes stop, “oh, is that all?” I smile, “yes darlin, easy peasy,” giving her a wink.

Sitting up in bed, she moves to straddle me. Her luxurious red hair flowing over us as she leans in to kiss me deeply. A kiss I feel throughout my entire body, enthralled but relaxed, aroused but patient, wanting more but pleased with what I have. My hands find their way under her shirt and the skin of her waist is warm and soft. I kiss her back, gently at first, then more forcefully. Pulling myself up until we are both sitting, her arms going up and around my neck, helping to hold me close. We kiss for what seems like hours of bliss. I feel her arms move away from her embrace and I’m left to consciously hold myself upright. She stops kissing me and her hands come around to my chest, pushing me away. I flop down on the bed, confused. But, recognizing she is about to pull her shirt off to expose herself, and her carnal desire, I pull my hands away from her waist to grab the shirt and prevent it. In her pulling up and nothing happening, looks down to see me holding onto the shirt tightly. Confused and concerned, “what’s wrong?” I sigh, “I’m not ready.” Bringing her hands to mine, caressing them, “I thought you wanted to, did I misunderstand?” Letting go of the shirt to hold her hands, “I DO want to, thought I could, but I can’t. I’m sorry.” Feeling guilty at disappointing her, I look away. Pulling away from my hands, she dismounts, kneeling on the bed beside me, “do you want me to leave?” I am quick to respond, putting my hands on her thighs, trying not to think of the promised land between them, “no, please stay.”

She’s not convinced, “are you sure?” I grip her thighs and meet her eyes, “yes, very sure. Please stay and show me how committed you are to not being angry. That is what I need.” After searching my eyes for the truth in my words, her concern fades and body relaxes. Laying back down on her side facing me, my deep-seated fears of rejection and abandonment are washed away, for now at least.

I need to make her feel at ease in the awkwardness. Adjusting my pillow again to keep eye contact and placing my hand on her side, “Sorry I disappointed you. Are you okay?” She pulls my hand off, bringing it up to her mouth, kissing the back of it and bringing our hands to rest in between us, “I’m fine, but touching me like that is counterproductive if you know what I mean.” I sigh again, “Sorry darlin…………………………… So, to change subjects, did you see the gifts I got from my students?” “You mean something besides the flowers and balloons? No.” Pulling the table over to fetch them, “you know Amethyst right?” “Sure.” “What about Citrine?” “Nope.” I pick up the purple and yellow crystal, holding it in my hand, lending it my warmth. “Well, Amethyst is a type of quartz, so is Citrine, except it’s yellow. There’s also something called Ametrine.” “Half Amethyst, half Citrine.” I hand the crystal to her, “It’s beautiful.” “Yes.”

Now that the awkwardness is broken, maybe now we can converse freely...

Waking up without any ill effects of the transition from asleep to fully awake is a very rare thing for me. Yet it has happened on this morning. Because it was a great night. A long night full of talk, laughter and affection. And it appears to be a great morning as well. She’s still here with me, lying on the undamaged half of my body. Her soothing warmth felt through the blankets. The intoxicating scent of her shampoo. She allowed herself to feel something with me besides anger and I am so grateful. Knew there was something special under that hard combative exterior.

A light knock at the door, it's the morning shift nurse I assume. This will be interesting. She peaks around the door. Nope, still night shift. I put a finger to my lips to shush her. She taps her watch and whispers, "15 minutes til shift change." I give her a thumbs up and whisper, “thank you.” And she ducks back out.

Giving Trish a gentle shake and she stirs, but settles. Another gentle shake, “C’mon darlin, it's time to get up.” More stirring, I brush the backs of my fingers against her cheek, and she opens her eyes, “Morning beautiful.” “Hi handsome.” I can't help but smile, and she smiles back, those beautiful green eyes sparkling like emeralds in the sun, “nurse shift change in under 15.”

This brings her around. She rolls over to stretch and yawn. At the end of the stretching, her left hand cupping my left cheek to pull me toward her for a kiss on my right. She sits up and shakes her long red hair behind her. Removing a hair tie from her wrist, quickly making a ponytail. With her alluring neck exposed, I just have to kiss the back of it. Wrapping an arm around her, planting tender kisses, my nose filled with her intoxicating scent. Surprisingly, she backs into it instead of protesting, “Mmmmmmmm, that feels good, wish I could stay.” “Me too but you need to go my love.”

Freeing herself from my arm, hops down off the bed to fetch the sneakers. Sitting on the chair to slip them on, “I have a long shift in the ER, and depending on the day, may not be able to see you before your discharge.” “Discharge? First I'm hearing of this.” Standing back up to gather her book and phone, then coming back to the bed, “I forgot to tell you? Sorry.” “It's okay, not like I have to do anything but what I'm told by my oppressors.” Smiling at her, waiting for a comeback. She just looks impatient. I give her the come hither motion. She puts her hands on the bed and leans down, “what?” Bringing my hands up to cup her face, I pull her close for a kiss. Mmmmmm. As we part, her eyes open to another sparkle. I whisper, “I love you.” Her face goes cold, “I know,” and lights back up again, giving me a wink. I shake my head and smile, “Have a good day at work Han, I mean hun.”

She opens the door and pushes it against the wall, locking it there and sticking her head past the threshold to see if the coast is clear. Turning around and saying aloud for the first time, "I love you." The elevator dings so she doesn't wait for a reply, taking off on a run to the right, where I believe the rear stairwell is located. I project my mind out to the door, following my gorgeous red ponytailed woman. I see and hear the door open with a clang, sneakers pounding down the flight in rapid succession. Halfway down, she launches herself into the air. Up and over the handrail, turning in the air to land with her back in the opposite corner of the landing. Looking up at the door as it closes, with a wicked grin. Eyes glowing bright green in excitement and repeating, "I love you."

There are voices in the hallway as the elevator empties of dayshift personnel. I'm drawn back to my room, but sneakers continue to rush down the several flights to the ground floor. She is very fast. I'm a lucky man to have found a powerful woman that loves me back.

Before the changing of the guard is complete, the night nurse stops by to check on me, "is there anything I can do for you before I go?" "Some ice chips please?" "Of course," she exits and after several seconds, I hear the sound of ice being scooped up and dropped into a cup. Another few seconds later she reappears with my ice. 

In taking it from her, "thank you, I owe you big time." She tilts her head, confused, "for ice chips?" I raise the cup and tap a couple chunks into my mouth, enjoying the refreshing coolness. Shaking my head, "no, your discretion earlier." Stepping up to the foot of the bed, in a hushed tone, "actually, I feel like I owe YOU." I'm puzzled, "why's that?" She checks the door, "I used to work with Dr Tanner in the ER and she was a real…" I offer, "B***h?" Nodding, "quite frankly, yes. There has been gossip going around the last couple of months about a change in her. She’s still angry but less mean. In the past couple days with you being here, she has actually been a pleasure to work with. And I'm not the only one that's noticed. Half the hospital is buzzing with curiosity and amazement." Again, surprised, "I hadn't noticed any difference at all, until last night that is." Shaking her head, "oh no, it started the day you were brought in. It didn't take long for everyone to start talking about you two. We didn't know she was even dating……. someone." I snort, "you mean a man instead of a woman? Yes, I heard that rumor before I asked her out. But I didn't let that stop me from asking her the several times it took to get a yes."

Glancing at her watch, "guess I should be going. Whatever it is that you're doing, keep it up and I think many people here will feel that they owe you."