Through the Bottom of a Bottle & Talking to a Memory (a letter to daddy)

Two poems....Daddy died an alcoholic when I was fifteen... I have never took to drinking but poem 1 is written as if daddy had written it.. It takes a lot to forgive..

Poem # One

Through the Bottom of a Bottle

 

Through the bottom of a bottle

Everything looked different

Through the bottom of a bottle

I didn’t care what life meant

 

Through the bottom of a bottle

I had no concept of time

Through the bottom of a bottle

Things looked and seemed just fine

 

Through the bottom of a bottle

I could never seem to choose

Through the bottom of the bottle

There was so much I had to lose

 

Through the bottom of a bottle

I thought I could do no wrong

Through the bottom of a bottle

That I looked through far too long

 

Through the bottom of a bottle

Everything I saw was blurred

Through the bottom of a bottle

Every word I spoke was slurred

 

Through the bottom of a bottle

I couldn't feel the sting

Through the bottom of a bottle

and now I've  lost everything

 

© 2007 bj Smith

aka shallimarRose

Poem # two  

Talking to a memory

(a Letter to Daddy)

 

I miss you way down deep in my heart

I wonder if you can hear me

I wonder how much you can even remember

times before the alcohol took hold of you

when your mind was alert

and your heart was free and clear to love

I don't know why you couldn't stop yourself

but I know you couldn't

each drink bringing you closer and closer to death

I try so hard to understand it

to understand why

to understand what the alcohol caused

why you chose it over us?

 I still can't understand it

and still  I miss you

death set you free perhaps

free from the bottle

but I have no freedom from the memories

I have no freedom from the pain

from the fear and humiliation

from the missing you

.........yet

even with all the drunken nights 

and hung-over mornings

I would rather have you here

the thing I miss most?

collecting acorns for you

and simply holding your hand

 

In the wind I heard a voice

it simply said "forgive me"

 

written by bj smith

aka shallimarRose

Author's Note

feel free to comment/critique.. I know I make mistakes.. so don't be afraid to point them out.. that's how we grow.. shallimarRose

Reviews

[Jack...]

Both poems are very good and relate to each other well. The first reminds of a Jarred Birmingham song, bottom of the bottle. "When I get to the bottom of the bottle all I find is you" The second was sad and sobering (no pun intended). Sometimes we just don't realize what we are doing to others, let alone ourselves. very nice my friend.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you again my friend.. Glad you enjoyed.. He has been gone a very long time and still I feel the sting.. huggs, Rose

[Night]

Poem #1 is brilliantly written, but Poem #2 blew me away....I simply adore the lines 'I try so hard to understand it to understand why to understand what the alcohol caused why you chose it over us?' It's plain, yet it speaks the truth...great work as usual!

[shallimarRose]

Thank you so much Night.. I appreciate your coming to read.. Rose

[Sharon L.H. Kelly]

A hard piece to write, I am sure. "Collecting acorns for you and simply holding your hand." He was a good person with a terrible disease. I understand, and I am sorry.

[shallimarRose]

Well I like to believe he was a good person.. He did things before he became an alcoholic that were wrong.. Things that actually stopped when he began drinking ...A two edged sword perhaps because I guess in a way the drinking a blessing also.... Thank you for reading .. xo

[ba_mcfarlane]

Wow, there is a price to be paid when demons are cast out. Good work, and the courage, your courage to share this, it blows me away.
Take care my friend. Keep healing too. Being an adult child of an alcoholic can be the full dose. It can screw you right over. Been there done that; not going there anymore.
Your writing helps me validate the right decision I made about this. thank you for that. It helps a lot.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you for reading..and for understanding.. xo Rose