comet tail

a poem about a dream i had for fifteen nights.

Comet Tail: Part I

              by:Shane berry

her black eye was swollen,

my heart was racing like i was awake.

i knew it was a nightmare, but i called it a dream.

cuts and guns, knifes and bruises.

life and death, love and hate.

he shouted, i fought.

she screamed, i defended.

he was faster than i had ever seen anyone strike.

i was hitting him dead on.

he pulled out the metal gun.

my breath is taken, my stomach sinks.

blood shoots out of my back.

i fall to my knees,

there is no emotion in my face.

he begins to walk, i stand, blood, 

blood, is everywhere.

i leap.

he aims, 

i grab,

he shoots

i smile.

he missed.

i turn the gun to his face with a laugh i end his life.

by his hand.

i drop to the floor, 

she runs to my side.

Alexa

she stares into me, like i'm a door.

the blood is red

crimson

violent.

love.

Author's Note

all i can do to try to understand the dream is turn it into a poem. how is it?

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

This is one wild dream. Fighting, blood and killing. Then last lines made the poem turn really wild with the statement.
"she stares into me, like i'm a door.
the blood is red
crimson
violent.
love."
A powerful poem and dream.
Coyote

[Marlena]

...I liked this. It's "knives" though, not "knifes". Interesting dream, kind of just sounds like your average repetive dream >.< Strange, but cool. Good work :P

[Poetic Beauty]

This is one hell of a dream. I think this is enough to scare anyone. I have dreams of the desert and have never been there. I don't like having those kind of dreams and I have written many poems about my dreams over the years. The flow of this poem is unique to me but it flows smoothly. Very good write.

[Mauricio Montoya]

This is a story/poem that’s got me on the edge of my seat, I love how it comes together especially the part where you leap, great come back. Overall, excellent write.

[Shay33]

Wow. This is stunning. I especially like the last 4 lines and this part:

"i leap.
he aims,
i grab,
he shoots
i smile.
he missed."

I'd like to give some advice, but there's nothing I can think to change. I thouroughly enjoyed reading this. Great write. :)

[Through the Gateway]

Very disjointed, but what dream isn't? It's an interesting span of words and images.

[gimpy]

poems often help us to understand a lot better then stories it was short but quite execelently written sorry I spelled excelently wrong :P my bad

[NinjaPi]

It a bit sick that the guy smiles while he kills the guy. Its really powerful and a bit scary. Kind of reminds you of yourself and your own not so bright nature. Its understandable though. As to the meaning, maybe you feelsomting important to you is threatened and you want to protect it but dont know if you have the strength to?