A Story by ShaneBerry

Abattle is fought, Blood is spilt,

I dropped to he ground as the blade swept passed my head, sweat poured down my face as I stared into the Blue eyes of my once best friend. His red Sabre blade glistened in the fire illuminated  dark night.as  I charged at him, and with a swing of my blade, they met with a loud thunderous wave or anger, pain, and passion.
I then jumped back, not a word was spoken by the onlookers, other Blayders who had shown up to watch me be captured. After all my struggle, they had tracked me down to this secluded island, even if I beat him, I would be taken down by the others.
 His metal gauntlets gleamed in the firelight, and his black coat blew in the wind.
I again charged at him, as he did the same guarding maneuver I  turned about face, and flipped backwards over him as I landed and he turned, I pierced his chest with my Dao blade.

he collapsed to the ground.


I swung my blade at his face, although he was once my best friend, he had betrayed the order, and for that I could not forgive him.He fell to the ground in his famous acrobat dodge maneuver. His Chinese Dao Blade's silver tone reflected the flickering bonfire brilliantly, almost like a mirror.
He quickly struck out at me, as I stuck back the blades met with a tremendous burst of power, control, and expertise. I stood there awaiting his next move, like it was a game of  computer chess.I found were the king was hiding and he was the final piece, it was now check mate.
His steel toe boots shifted in the sand, and his long tattered overcoat moved as the wind passed by.
He then, again charged at me. As I raised my Crimson red sabre to guard against attack, he flew over me and landed directly behind me.
I quickly turned to strike, as i did i felt his blade slide through my heart...

and he walked away, as my men stood there....

© 2010 ShaneBerry

Author's Note

a two part story from two different p.o.v's this is new for me but tell me how i did, this might go somewhere lol!

My Review

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Great job with this, It's always interesting to see both sides of the same story..

Posted 12 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Very descriptive in your story telling.
Life and light!

Posted 13 Years Ago

Lots of unanswered questions leaves enough of a hook for the next chapters to play out. I've done different times but never different vantage points. It's interesting.

Posted 13 Years Ago

0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Interesting idea, I wish I could read more.

Posted 13 Years Ago

Good job. Interesting idea to show the same scene from both sides.

Posted 13 Years Ago

i really enjoyed this. It was very good. I do enjoy the fact that you showed from two differnt parts i think you could have said as i fell with my impaled heart i saw my men watch as he walked away without remorse or mabye im just more dramatic if u turned this into a story but i did enjoy the way you did this

Posted 13 Years Ago

The color is distracting, and it needs some proofreading, but it's interesting.

Posted 13 Years Ago

This was a great story. I loved the different points of view. They were written very well. I think you should expand on this. I would love to read more of it. I'm looking forward to reading more of your writing.

Posted 13 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Leaves a mysterious aspect to the reader. The different points of views were done well. Could be a great ending to a book... or even beginning ?

Posted 13 Years Ago

I really like this story, i've always enjoyed diffrent p.o.v. I just wish there was more... I mean we have no clue why they are fighting, and it would have been better to have that detail to get us more involved with the story, but I think it is really detailed as is.

Posted 13 Years Ago

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14 Reviews
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on July 29, 2010
Last Updated on July 29, 2010
Tags: fight, war, choas, battle, martial arts, ninja, bar fight, shane berry



denton, TX

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