Never Really There

Hey, I know you’re not there but I needed

Someone to listen, no one was here and so I need

You now. My therapist says that naming a feeling is

The first step to dealing with it; and if I could describe

My feeling in one word It would be miserable.

Don’t leave! I know I’m not saying anything new

But with every breathe my stomach gets even more twisted

So miserable is the only word I could choose.

 

Don’t tell me you know where this is going, even though

You do. I’d rather you knew the pain I feel  

When my tears fall while I look at nothing in particular at all.

Tell me that when you understand the hurt that comes with being alone.

I get used to being in a room where no on is ever with me and

If I didn’t fear being pathetic I would beg someone to stay,

And if I were shameless Id trail behind them when they walked away.

I’ve been here long enough and still haven’t found my group of people,

I’m good enough so why do I have to wish so hard to find some friends?

No one knows me. I have to wait a safe distance behind in the hall

Where some friends are chatting and I wish I could also join in and talk.

Every day I walk by myself, I’m always on my own. I have to carry earphones

To make it through the isolating school day until I can make it back home.

 

Please understand it hurts so bad and I’m crying, don’t you even f*****g care?

I know you’ll leave after I’ve told you all this

Just another one who was never really there.

Author's Note

I was previously known as 'a depressed teenager.'

Reviews

[Vertigo Cat1111]

Powerful. Wow, the strength and the emotion here rings so true. That feeling... that depression it’s not just sadness. It eats you away from the inside out until you do whatever you can to escape it. ‘Never Really There’ is an absolutely wonderful title for this feeling. Even if people are there for you, it feels like their not because your wrapped in a bubble, put away from the world. This is powerful and shows all the emotions. I know the feeling, just remember your not alone as stupid and unreal as that can sound. Thank you for sharing. Keep writing. (:

[sharleenm]

Thank you for your kind words

[Lena]

So very deep and visceral !!!
There are no words, just the echoes and shadows of a familiar journey
And the promise of a light at the end of the tunnel.

[John the Baptist]

I wonder if adolescence is a phase or a penalty.