Memory

 

In my eyes you were born

and here you remain,

a soft dilation in weary dreams

lulling heavy lids to sleep night after night,

You are so lonely in my arms

And mock my thirst as you unravel

To nothing by and by.

Tumble back blindly for I am,

heavy with the weight of you; memory.

Reviews

[The Musings of Mary H.]

Wonderful write! Very smooth and descriptive!

Many welcomes to the cafe!

blessings,
mary

[Illegitimate Artist]

It's a lovely description of something that is very different for everyone. From the other reviews you can see that it touched every one in a different way. It reminds me personally of laying awake in bed trying to figure out just what went wrong.
Great choice of words as well. "You are so lonely in my armsAnd mock my thirst as you unravel" has to be my favorite line. Very nice work!

[Wolfwind Words]

Memory, what a discription! I liked how you told this. It flowed clear and clean and got the image across nicely!
How true that we often feel lonely while we look back into our past, seeing things slowly unravel over the passage of time. Wishing for the good to come back and wishing for the bad to have never been.
Great Write!

[Travis Lawrence]

This is supurb. I love how he's trapped in your eyes (by the way, "a soft dilation in weary dreams" is a brilliant line of poetry), and by the end, you "Tumble back blindly" under his weight. It's great how you use vision as a metaphor for your relationship throughout. And it's so interesting to contemplate that he unravels to nothing, but still stays so heavy. It's lovely to think about.

One thing I'm not sure about is the end of the last line, "you; memory." Not that it's not good, but it confused me, at least. Maybe you could explain what you were going for? A little clarity may be all I need to reassure that it is as fantastic as the rest of the poem. Very well done.

Have a nice day!

[Tymme]

Very beautiful, very emotional. A very strong poem in such a compact writing.

[K]

The imagery in this poem is so beautiful, and there's so much emotion expressed in this piece. You say so much in just a few lines. I love it. Great job!