Lost at Sea

The wood on this ship is cold and slippery

The men aboard, old with outrun bravery

A wise man tells me to enjoy my eternal possesions

Does this signal an end instead of a solution?

On this deck the wind blows hard whispers

as hard as the night slaps

reminders of all which we lack

Between us is a flaming port

much worse than those who chose forts

The speckles in your eyes, make me speculate

your innermost places, nursing my phases

Guiding me home through this angry sea.

Will this day leave behind my machine?

Do you listen when I come clean?

Mistakes that are made when fishermen cry

Can only be scalped by those not sly.

 

 

Author's Note

Is it too layered? Too complex? I read it time and again and it's crystal clear...

Reviews

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This reads like a dream to me... a series of images, strangely linked, suggesting a tenuous and stormy relationship, whether inner conflict or with an intimate, but probably the latter.. here one's foot could easily slip and send you overboard... here there is not much coping resource left to face the squalls of anger that constantly assail, indicating by their very presence what the relationship lacks, what one has to tip-toe around to survive, and I wonder who is taking whose scalp here?

A wild read,
David

[Conversations Kill]

To SAGEMIND:
its the way one plays with definition of words.... I personify my words to make them tell the story.
Example:
"Between us is a flaming port,much worse than those who chose forts"

What I really mean is, there is always a chance to build a wall, to not feel, so one does not get hurt, but its much worse to do that. Sometimes, we are meant to take risks, to feel, even if it seems scary (flaming).

[Sagemind]

Wow. I can't understand some of it, but I think it's because you're using some definitions of words that I don't know. Still, good job!

[Conversations Kill]

Can only be scalped by those not sly.

Sometime, you come across ppl who are not genuine, who lie , a LOT. Those that are very skillful in lying can cause a lot of damage with just that. And there are times, when these types of people start to believe their lies, On the other hand someone who always stays true to themselves, sees all the behind the scenes. Is able to see the malice. I used scalped as an adjective to replace (the act of removing "lies").

Thank you again, for the review. It is greatly appreciated.

[Celtic Cat]

Complex? hmm... I don't know. I've read it over and over and notice new things each time. I was taking this very literally until I read Robert's review for a clue, lol. First, let me pick out the lines that stood out to me:

The men aboard, old with outrun bravery

[Robert Luna]

I love how you paint this scene in my mind's eye of a story that lays so much deeper than the words convey. I see a person torn between their love for the sea and the love for another person, being pulled into different direction trying to find their own place in a world they themselves don't completely understand. The level of emotional connection that I feel with the character is both perfect as well as alluring. I feel myself digging into the very mind set and wondering why, Why must it be so difficult to be in this place and time. This made for a wonderful read and a great play within my imagination.

Great Job!!!!!!!