The King of Wishful Thinking

And will you tell all your friends you've got your gun to my head. This all was only wishful thinking, this all was only wishful thinking.

x. i’ve seen Paris, and India, and Africa. i’ve tasted
the tangerine air of the East, and the spice of the
West. yet, though the world is my nationality, i know

my own country by heart. but now that i’m heading
home, i don’t know what to do. i feel unsafe at the
thought of safe, uncomfortable at the thought of
comfort. i know that whatever i’ve seen, wherever

i’ve been, i’m still the same small-town boy i’ve

always been, and the thought scares me. how much

change can you go through until you’re right back

at square one? but i’m sick of trying to shove these

square thoughts into the circles i’m running in.

 

 

ix. i can’t help but wonder if you’re still there [maybe
you’re still there]. it’s possible--but i second guess
myself. why would you stay in a rundown, backwater
Ohio town? [though you always said Ohio is for

lovers.] but i wish on a star, and for a minute,

pretend you’ll be there. will you be singing your

same-old songs and driving the rhythm with your

hips, finding the connection between the random

noises of the by and by? you turned everyday into a

symphony of cars and screeching playground swings.

 

 

viii. the road has changed me, i know, and i wonder

if you’ll recognize me. my hair is long, and my face

older, worn, maybe, but i think it’s just a reflection

of what has been inside for a long time. i can’t imagine

you looking different than you always have. maybe

the sun has found new ways to catch your hair, though,

and maybe your eyes have new laugh lines. maybe you

still have that quirk to your lips when you smile, or maybe

it’s turned into something more beautiful than it was.

[but you were always the prettiest girl i knew.]

 

 

vii. i know you’re scared of change, but you were never

without a couple dimes in your pocket, so maybe i’ll

take you to your favorite haunts, and we’ll start up a few

jukeboxes and slowdance until midnight, and then we’ll

drive through town, screaming at the tops of our lungs.

[‘cause logic never had much say when you were pushing

me to the edge of the earth. but i loved every second of it.]

 

 

vi. i tried to take you with me, but maybe i didn’t try hard

enough. maybe you blame me for leaving you behind, but

you never saw it through my eyes. i never stopped trying,

until i knew i’d be smothered if i stayed. so i left. but i never

stopped thinking about you, even if you’ve forgotten me.

[but i’m willing to forget if you’ll just come with me.] you

always painted the sky on your walls, but you never wanted

to see the real thing. my stars aren’t glued to the ceiling.

 

 

v. i’ve started a hundred letters to you, but they’re never right.

maybe it’s because i started them all with ‘dear’--you never

were my dear, but that didn’t stop me from pretending. [i

never stopped pretending.] from the day when i left, thinking

you’d come with me, until the day i came back [i’m coming

back], i never stopped pretending i loved you. [but pretend

never tasted sweeter than your cherry lips.] honey, i love you.

 

 

iv. Dear You,

 

you

don’t know the way i’ve missed you

and maybe one day, when you

‘re older, and married, and you

are telling the kids about how life used to be, you

‘ll mention you

r first love, and maybe about how i kissed you

in the rain, and how you

laid in the snow with me and how you

said you

loved--

[me]

 

unfinished.

 

 

iii. Dear You,

 

do you miss me? do you even care that i left? or maybe

you blame me for leaving you there? well, just know that

i had no choice. i tried to take you, but you st-st-stuttered

scaredscared reality in my face, and left me alone on a

dusty road that led to my nowhere, so yes, i am angry,

and i should be. but i’m lying, so please don’t hate me, and

please come to neverneverland and learn how to fly with me.

 

xoxox, Me.

 

unsent.

 

 

ii. Carrie,

 

i can’t help it. there’s this driving force inside of me--

i can’t stay here forever. you know this--how many times

have i told you this? i’m leaving this letter as something

for you to remember me by. [something for you to hate me
by] i know how you feel, and know that i’m sorry for leaving,
i’m sorry for leaving, i’m sorry for leaving you here,
i’m so-so-so--

 

this may not be the best for me, but i can’t stay here.

it’s not the best for you, but you’ve made your choice.

 

i might not see you again,

and i’ll miss you.

 

i know you’ll never read this,

because you told me you hated me,

but wishful thinking has never killed anyone.

 

i love you.

xoxoxo,

Me

 

 

i. unread.

Author's Note

The only thing that I regret is that I, I never let you hold me back.
Dromomania.

Reviews

[Emily Quinn]

I absolutely loved this. The contrasts, the portrayal of different emotions in each of the "letter's" I enjoyed in particular. You go from love letter to anger to an apology that seems to have a little bit of closure to it. Your play on words is something I adore in all your poems;
" i know you’re scared of change, but you were never
without a couple dimes in your pocket"

Wonderful, wonderful poem. The entire thing being a collective letter. I don't think I'll ever tire of your writing
Another great one

[Alana McGuire]

I love love love this. Like I said in my message, I have never read anything like this on here, or any other poetry site or book for that matter. And I absolutely love the style and clearly real emotion put into this. And I'm so glad you entered it into my contest. It's an absolute joy to grace my eyes. :)

[...]

The style of this is wonderful. I feel like I've been on an adventure after reading your words. This is truly perfection and writing at its best. So original. The letters part; everybody has got to just adore that. Wow, a breathtaking piece.

[Taji Herbert]

This was an epic poem! i must say the sheer length of it was eye opening. But the fact is each stanza was tantalizing. Your desire made me yearn for more. The fact that it kept going only enticed my imagination more until i had completed it and was satisfied! amazing job i will definately share this and put it in my library!

[Katherine Moure]

Honest. Honestly great. I wish I'd been the girl you wrote this for. Then again... I might have punched you in the face for your thoughts.

[jay-lyse]

I honestly didn't expect to fall head over heels for this poem but I did. I loved the contrast, the sadness, the anger, the regret ... this is one of those poems you have to read more than once. So raw and bittersweet. My favorite part is at the end, the wishful thinking line. This is unfortunately how some of us love. We know that reality may not always go our way but "wishful" thinking is all we have sometimes.... Great write!!!

[Little Blue]

It is very raw, and I will not mock it and call it beautiful. The words are, the physical words are beautiful. But the story is truth and it is bittersweet, and it is a kind of pain that I do not call beauty. it is a kind of regret and that is not pretty. But it is never one sided. The sweet in bitter sweet that is so often ignored, is found here to be one of the sweetest things. That is the beauty within the pain. That is the memory within the regret.
Thank you for this. You are a very, very talented writer.
L.B.

[alice]

Oh, wow. This is so amazing. The emotions were intense and the way it's written, just adds to the beauty of this.

[Chuck]

You are such an amazing writer.. I love this so much. It is truly unlike anything I have ever read, and I want to read it again, because I have read it 3 times and find something new I love each time.. The way you broke it up is so neat, but forget all that technical writing crap- its so yours, so unique. Loove it.
Wow.

[Ice QueenJen]

very good writing, like a sad untold love story.