Lights Out

So, this is an oratory I wrote when I was 16-17 for my debate class. I found it and thought that it was kinda perfect to revamp and publish because bully is obviously still a huge problem.

Growing up we were told kids will be kids.
And kids treated that like it was a pass to put others down and implant the idea their heads that they’re worthless.
I could never find a good enough reason to why anyone would ever feel it was okay to take the light out of someone’s life and leave them stranded in the dark.
I could never find a good enough reason to why anyone would ever feel it was their god given right to hurt someone so badly that they believed
death was the easy way out.
The only conclusion I could come to is that maybe someone hurt them in the same way,
but then again how is that fair?
How is that right?
If you know how badly it hurts to be stomped into the dirt then why would you ever want anyone else to feel that way?
Why would you ever want anyone else to hurt that way?
Which left me with one conclusion:
Kids will be kids.
And if kids will be kids then what’s the point of getting up in the morning?
Why do we go through the trouble of putting on a mask and hiding behind a smile?
Because if we stay in bed then they win.
And this is a battle we cannot afford to lose.

Depression is more than just a one day thing.
And if depression is more than just a one day thing,
and more than just a week long thing;
if it’s more than just a month or a yearlong thing
then it must be for a lifetime.
It’s a lifetime of putting on a mask.
It’s a lifetime of hiding behind a smile.
It’s a lifetime of
‘I’m okay’
and
‘everything’s fine’.
Depression isn’t feeling sad when things go wrong.
That’s normal.
Depression is feeling sad when everything in your life is going absolutely
perfect.
Depression is the symptom of bullying.

I hate the word bullying.
It doesn’t accurately depict how they go out of their way to make someone else’s
life a living hell.
It’s murder.
Murder because it destroys the person who used to occupy the empty shell.
Since when do we turn a blind eye to murder and allow it go unpunished?
Where’s the justice for the family and friends who lost the one they love?
Where’s the justice for the ones who lost their life in battle,
not only with them but with themselves?
It is becoming more and more common to find death in public schools
then in funeral homes and cemeteries.
When did we decide we’re not worth saving?

I say we because we have to stand together.
If we don’t stand together then we have to stand alone.
Alone we are weak.
Together we are strong.
Together all the words,
all the names they call,
they suddenly lose all meaning and we become something we’ve always wanted to be:
People.
Not freaks,
losers,
or outcasts.
Not f*****s,
p*****s,
or queer.
People.
Broken people but that’s okay,
because we’re people all the same
and that’s all we’ve ever wanted to be.

But what happens if you have to stand alone?
When you go home to a family of strangers who try to understand,
who should know,
but they can’t know because if they knew
then you know exactly what comes next.
Prescription after prescription,
pill after pill,
until you’re left choosing between the lesser of two evils.

You come to two roads.
One leads to addiction and the other to self-depreciation.

So, do you take the pills
because they make you feel relaxed?
Relaxed but not whole.
So you take more pills to try and fill the void,
but the only thing that changes in the end is that now
you’ve become the “normal” everyone else wants you to be.
And they don’t know you’re still searching for yourself in the dark.

Or you can take the path to self-depreciation.
You could hide the pills,
hide the fact you’re still not whole.
You could retire to your old comfortable lies
until they eat at you from the inside out
leaving yet another gaping hole
that you can’t fill.
Just put on your mask
and hide behind your smile.

What happens if you have to stand alone?

You are never alone.
If you think you’re alone look around.
We are all fighting a battle we believe we can’t win
and we would be honored to fight alongside you in yours.  
If you think you’re alone look around.
We’re all searching for ourselves in the dark
and we would be happy to lend you a flashlight.
If you think you’re alone look around.
You’ll find others looking for someone who knows.

I was looking for someone who knows on September 16th 2013 at precisely 3:47 P.M. when I was diagnosed with chronic depression.
I say the time and date so precisely,
because if you have ever been diagnosed with any kind of disease or lifelong illness then you do not forget that day.
I can still remember word for word what my doctor told me
when she tried to explain exactly what chronic depression entailed.

“Sky, it’s a chemical imbalance in your brain and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

It wasn’t ‘nothing to be ashamed of’,
It was just another side of me to be ashamed of.
Depression is different but no more or less difficult to deal with as a teenager than as an adult.
The difference is the criticism you receive,
from peers,
from teachers,
from family.
And the response is usually something along the lines of
‘It’s just a phase’ or
‘You just want attention (especially if you talk about it at all)’.
So I felt ashamed of every side of me.

And grew up believing that kids will be kids.
And we thought that gave them a pass to put us down and implant the idea into our heads that we are worthless.
And we believed it was okay for them to take the light out of our lives and leave us stranded in the dark.
We believed it was their god given right to hurt us so badly that we believed that
death was the only way out.

But I reached an age where kids will be kids stopped being an acceptable answer for the violence.
I came up with my own conclusion.
Kids don’t have to be like those kids.
Together we can teach kids to be better.
To be kinder to each other.
But we must do it together because alone we are weak.
Together we are strong.
Together we can win this battle;
an army is stronger than a single soldier.
Find our way through the dark;
a crowd of flashlights is brighter than one single ray of light.
Together we have a chance,
we have a choice.
Only together can we learn to love and accept others
and teach others to love and accept themselves.

Let's raise a new generation of kids whose new motto will be
"Kids will be kind to kids".

Author's Note

Just a heads up, I do not want any comments talking about how I'm a beautiful person or I need to think better of myself which are super awesome pick-me-up comments to receive when you're not confident in who you are but I am very confident in who I am now so please save those comments on a shelf for people who really need them. ^_^ I still have insecurities like everyone else but I handle my depression very well and the point of the personal insert isn't to receive any type of sympathy comments. The point of the personal insert is to connect with the reader and let them know that I'm not just some person who has no idea what I'm talking about. Also, I was not bullied as a kid by my peers so no need to think the bullying part is about me.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy it and I really want to make it clear that I am a very big anti-bullying advocate and really want to encourage you to start taking steps to teach children how to treat each other. So, here are some groups you can pledge to in order to help end bullying:

www.niot.org/nios?gclid=Cj0KEQ…@

www.stopbullying.gov/respond/b…@

stopbullyingnowfoundation.org/…@

Also, if there are any organizations you are specifically apart of and would like to share link in the comments to their website please do! Bullying is a huge problem around the world and it's about time we all banded together and did something about it instead of avoiding the problem though statements like, "kids will be kids".