WALK IN RAIN

random thoughts

It’s beautiful day, weather is awesome outside, and this are one of the best things about monsoon. Outside world feels like beautiful painting on canvas. I could stare all day from my window but I love to walk on empty lanes in such weather and maybe it sound weird I don’t like anyone’s company at all because then you have to talk it disturbs me and my thoughts. I really never figured it out why people find it so funny when I walk alone on unknown roads without apparently no good reason you know they stare a lot I could almost feel their stares on my back.

               I walked from house but didn’t had something specific on my mind I was just too empty I was feeling empty like that jar of beer which has been consumed hastily by some drunk man. I took my brand new umbrella well it wasn’t my style it was my friends idea but she like all this stuff long frilly umbrella and I though it will be okay but well it wasn’t. I feel like it’s too big to hold and you know I am not that person who will show off their umbrella by holding it gently and all I tried but I it stuck in my hand so I just decided to hold it like a stick i wasn’t sure about any destinations, so I walked nearby residential area which was almost empty all time, once upon time it was my area I use hang around all time with phone on my ears. I was walking on that lane few people where there some were standing under shades of buildings specifically some cult of teenagers “when I am gone “by 3 doors down was playing in my ears loudly I prefer loud music while I walk so I don’t have to hear to anything else. I was trying really hard to concentrate on song and not on their chatter but as I walked for 3 to 4 times it made those kids concerned if I am psycho or broke. I can almost feel from their stares what they are thinking you see some people are really easy to read from their eyes and rest are predictable. I was holding my long umbrella but I didn’t opened it even though it was raining and I was wandering around people from bike also glared at me on such occasions normally I pretend like I am talking on phone or waiting for someone probably my boyfriend but I stop doing it now days its public street it my free will I can go anywhere I want. I am not that person who stays indoors and enjoy the rain I am the person who feel the touch of raindrops just like they are someone’s tears I am not the person who need someone’s company I feel really great when I am alone I am also not that person who really give a damn if they think I am psycho

 This roads are very familiar to me while I was walking I can see my 2 years old version talking on phone she was laughing, shouting, smiling and just like a teenage girl should be madly in love. I can read it over my face I can hear every word of that conversation she was having over phone I can rewind it all but I can’t find myself feeling anything it almost feel like she is some different girl not same me. I don’t feel same about anything since then. I never felt those emotions in me again when I was walking away from that street it’s like I almost met eyes with old me she just smiled at me it was clear nobody else was seeing all that and I thought for fraction second maybe those kids were right I am getting crazy.

               I like the smell of rain I don’t mind dirty muddy roads and lightning. Everything in rain smells awesome one guy was smoking across the lot and it smelt very good really smoky. there are different smells coming out from food corners and special smell about this evening was I can smell my lingering past on this roads some blurred memories under shadows of this trees it was like playing old movie and just like actor see themselves on screen I was looking at me world seems so better when you have someone in your heart it seems so colourful, life is beautiful when you have someone to hold on to but soon all this illusions wipe out and then you see a different phase different face of life the real one. Some kids were playing football in rain and I heard one kid whispering “do you think she is on high or something” I just couldn’t helped it I swear I shouted “hell yes but last time I checked what I smoked in that cigarette this time I don’t remember”.