Darkness

Follow up of Saving Grace with the story being told from the other girls point of view

I am Lucy and I was just 13 years old when my life was ended, taken from me, and the people that I once loved were left with the unanswered questions that only the heart wrenching pains of grief can bring.

She was a year older than me and a grade above me, she was super friendly and could make just about anyone laugh. I remember wanting to be her friend and just how openly she accepted me into her small friendship group. She was a pretty girl, with big green eyes that had a sparkle of mischief to them and cascades of blonde wavy hair that she tied up into lose braids for the school day. I remember thinking how nice she was, sweet, and how we could be friends forever.

I don't know exactly what I did to make her turn on me so brutally, I never had the chance to ask. I was having a bad day, crying at my lockers for some stupid reason, she saw me and my spirits began to lift, she was just the type of person who could make me feel better on a day like this, I wanted her to cheer me up just like before. She walked towards my locker and slammed the door shut, making me jump in shock, whispering to me that I was a cry baby and that I was never going to be good enough to be her friend. I don't remember her exact words but I remember being so stunned I couldn't move, or fight back, my heart had dropped to the floor and shattered into a million pieces as I tried so hard to think what I had done to deserve those harsh words or even if I deserved them at all. Maybe she was having a bad day too.

Week by week the taunting got worse, I was being called so many hurtful names, at lunch times I was so empty and desperate for her not to come over to me that I hid. She found me just like she always did, told me I was stupid and worthless, that I was so fat that no one would want to be my friend, and that I was a waste of space. I must have done something terrible but I am still unsure of what I did, I deserve everything she is saying to me. I used to come home from school and tell my parents I had had a great day at school and that everything was fine. I'm glad that they couldn't see the numbness and pain that haunted my eyes, glad they couldn't see that I was wearing stockings and long sleeves to cover bruises and cuts, the bruises came from being slammed against lockers and kicked repeatedly. The cuts from trying to take the pain away from a shattered heart.

Lying awake all those nights softly crying as the world passed by without a care in the world, to them I am nothing, I know this can’t go on forever, I won’t let it. It has to be over soon. The crushing pain feels like a million swords being stabbed in to my heart and then twisted, the pain is too much to take.

I remember the day that was my last, it was a sunny day and everyone in the school yard was standing around with their friends, laughing and having fun. I stood still and watched for her, always so alert and ready for her to creep up to me. She must have been busy with classes and other things because I didn't see her until after school, I saw that devilish look on her face, I knew this wouldn't be pretty, but I knew that I was at fault and that I truly wasn't worthy. She pushed me backwards and I fell, landing on my backpack, with a sharp shooting pain through my back. I had landed on my drink bottle, she laughed and told me what I already knew, that nobody cared for me and that I would be better off dead. As I managed to escape her wrath for the day I dreaded what tomorrow would bring.

This was it. The pain and finally got hold of me, I am nothing, stupid, worthless. Most of the time now I am just numb, there is nothing left to feel. I have a plan that I will have to put in place. I have been thinking of this for a while now. It’s a way for me to escape this torment, for me to finally accept the nothingness that I am, there is no point continuing when you aren’t anything special at all.

I waited until my parents had fallen asleep that night and I could hear my father’s soft snore in the distant. As I stood up a small pang of sadness crept over me, this was to be the last time I heard me parents, the last time I stood here in this bedroom. A silent tear ran down my face as I had second thoughts about what I was going to do. I remember walking down the hallway as softly as I could and looked at my parents sleeping so calmly and so peacefully. The river was freezing that night, wearing a thin nightgown that the bitter air breezed through with ease. It didn't matter, nothing mattered anymore, this was it I was finally free to be happy once more, to escape the harsh world. The last thought that went through my mind as I slowly rolled over into that freezing river was that of happiness and peacefulness that all of this was finally over.