At The Mercy Of My Mind

At The Mercy Of My Mind

A Poem by sweetspicedgherkins

I’ve lost who I am 

And I can’t get me back

I am no longer me 

My body is no longer mine

Trapped and caged, bars all around

A very strict voice is now in command

They yell and they scream

Eat this! Eat it now.

I’ll take it all, bite after bite

I want to stop, the voice says no

Bloating begins with sharp shooting pains

I have no control over this monster in me

With the worst yet to come

And a long night ahead

I cannot move not even an inch

My stomach is cramping 

My head filled with regrets

As I lie still on the cold hard floor

The night is long and full of dark

When morning comes, the voice returns

It’s angry at me, this is all my fault

I must be punished, no food today

I’m such a mess, I want the real me

Push ups, squats, weights, and lunges

I am on a mission and can’t be distracted

I must lose weight, I want to be pretty

The voice in my head has taken over

They control every thought

And every waking moment

A vicious cycle on repeat

I’m at the mercy of my mind

I just want to be me

To love and be loved 

Freed from these restraints

Too fly high in the clouds 

But I know in my heart, none of that is real

For I am lost and don’t know, if i’ll ever be found. 

© 2020 sweetspicedgherkins

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Added on April 29, 2020
Last Updated on April 29, 2020
Tags: sad eating disorder honest menta




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