waterfalls

a poem about nature and how it ought to be preserved.

Clashing and slamming against the pebbles

The music of the water,sweet as trebles

Rushing down, picking up speed

As pleasant as music, as annoying as a weed.

 

A roar of sound can be heard.

To describe this"there is no word.

The rush of waters starts to slow

Till the gush turns into a little flow.

 

The flecks of water soar through the air

Wiping away any thoughts of despair.

making its journey, hindered by none

look at it go, a wonderful run.

A shattering splash,it reaches the ground

Tis the place countless have drowned.

The origin of many a  picturesque lake,

Keep it pure for nature’s sake.

 

Clean and pure it had once been

But this won’t ever be again.

heartless humans, tainting what's not theirs.

but nature knows not; it only cares.

 

Let us act and open the door.

To make the earth clean once more.

We now have the magic wand

That can reunite the long lost bond.

 

Author's Note

please review. it means a lot to me.

Reviews

[Stonz P.]

Only one concern I had was that this seemed as a paradox to me but am unsure whether the negative side was intentional as the drowning is not the fault of the waterfalls but the individuals. It only seemed out of place to me:

" A shattering splash,it reaches the ground
Tis the place countless have drowned.
The origin of many a picturesque lake,
Keep it pure for nature’s sake. "

The rest of the poem is good. The meter and rhyme you have used is fine. BUT, I did not connect with the piece and my apologies because there is nothing I can suggest to improve this; maybe, because I don't exactly relate to the psyche in which you wrote it. Or maybe you still had to work on it more..
Do I make sense to you? Please let me know if I don't.

[Surya pradha]

thats understandable, thanks for reading.

[Anindita Janhabee]

First of all, glad to see someone of my age here...
I highly appreciate your thoughts regarding the poetry. The words you used here, similes and metaphors are just wonderful...
I liked your choice of words. And Chennai is a very nice place. I had visited few months ago.
Nice poetry too...
i am a lover of nature and I love reading poems related to nature, emotions etc.
Keep writing!!!

[Surya pradha]

Heyy I'm replying after 5 years i didn't use this blog after that I'm so sorry. Thanks for your kind words and yess chennai is a great place!

[Solar]

/The flecks of water soar through the air
Wiping away any thoughts of despair.
making its journey, hindered by none
look at it go, a wonderful run./

One is transported to the waterfall - refreshed by the flow of these verses!

[Surya pradha]

Thank you soo much!!

[Anna Blackburn]

This poem is very beautiful and I absolutely adored it. I have this habit though, and it's probably very annoying, but when I write reviews I sometimes point out areas that could be better. I don't want people thinking that they aren't good writers, I just think that advice should be given and left up to the author to follow or not. I know I'm not the only one, because others have done this with my writing and I am thankful. Anyhow, I just thought I could point out that in the stanza:

"Clean and pure it had once been
But this won’t be ever again.
heartless humans, tainting what's not theirs.
but nature knows not; it only cares."

the second line sounds better, to me at least, if you swap the be and ever so it is:

"But this won't ever be again."

It's truly up to you but I thought I should just put in my thoughts; that's what the reviews are for after all.

[Surya pradha]

i always welcome suggestions, they will make my poetry better. i value reviews like yours and i will definitely consider it. thanks!

[Prabha Salimath]

I do enjoy listening to water sometime when I go to village. I agree with you for the act of human over water sources. Nature knows only to nurse but making it dirt we are turning that nurse to curse nicely written.

[Surya pradha]

thanks! glad you see my perspective!

[Sindu]

That carries a great message to keep our nature pure.. atleat try. It is beautiful how you painted a picture about the waterfalls, capture the attention and then put out a message for everyone to heed upon.
Nice work here, Surya! :)
It's cute how you place waterfalls as pleasant and annoying at the same time :)

[Surya pradha]

thanks! glad you liked it.

[Sindu]

You're welcome!

[Sanjh]

It's beautiful brother...:)

[Surya pradha]

thanks a lot!

[Eleanor]

I really liked your concern about nature. Humans rarely concern about it.
And the way you wrote it was really smooth and beautiful.
Another nice poem :)

[Surya pradha]

glad you liked it!

[Silveryne :)]

A great poem...
Triggers my imagination..

[Surya pradha]

thanks for the appreciation!

[Megha]

A beautiful poem with clear thoughts! :)

[Surya pradha]

thanks a bunch!

[Mayank]

The thoughts behind this poem are good and your concern is visible here, I think you have to put some appeal into this. Perhaps, you can make it more lively.

[Surya pradha]

thanks for the review. will try and make it better.