Here's To The Dying Fountain

This piece is about an individual living with the deception of a passion that has gone wrong.

Angels caress my shivering body with the softness

and warmth of their obdient feathers.

i am the mold that cascades over your loathsome smile.

For I am succumbed by the fire that burns within

your plagiarized soul where I become the melting pot

absorbing your hidden desires.

Seething river that dances apphonic ships,

why do you wail into my darkness?

Where do your armies dwell when the seeds

of your mother's forgotten children sing

iambic reed with the sound of your whistle?

Flourish inside your unhappy brigade.

For the offspring scour the walls of your elated tower

with interludes of cremation.

Here's to the dying fountain

who speaks to me with ancient tongue.

"Flourish me, my young who dance with

desserters of this prized shield.

Flounder are gazing upon you

with a tease of salt to sow you into bridges,

and raise man out of his diluted dreams.

That's why they call it the red angle.

We have a common love.

For we can forge new and vast ideas.

We have a common love.

For love is the greatest destiny above all.

There is no fire.

We need a whole new chest of drawers.

But she can't really cry.

I've seen it every time."

Author's Note

What do you think about the imagery?

Reviews

[Spit_and_Prayers]

They could showcase your work in an English class for I'm sure students could write many fine papers trying to unravel your mysteries. I like the last two lines, "But she can't really cry/I've seen it every time". The holds a lot of weight for me personally.

[TL Boehm]

the imagery in this piece is stellar and your word choices exquisite. Simple poetry is fine - but I appreciate a poem that I have to think about as I read, or maybe even run across a word I've seldom seen in a piece. You've done that with this one- and done it beautifully .

[Nicole]

Lol, that's always the question.
"what do you think about the imagery?"
You're imagery is perfect, although, its not always about the picture it puts in someones mind.
You can't forget the tone, the feelings you want someone to feel when reading this.
This poem was amazing.
You expressed an emotion that people can talk about, but not everyone can put on pen and paper and actually make sense.
If that made sense. :S
I loved it. :) Favorited.

[Jeff Miller]

This piece is amazing. The imagery of how much negativity can hurt those you love was expressed very well. Keep up the good work!

[Fabian G. Franklin]

"and warmth of their OBDIENT feathers."..."obedient?" "obeisant?" I would actually prefer "obeisant" here as in a deferential bow where the feathers engulf you. "I am succumbed "...I think "I have succumbed" would be proper usage here and not "I am" The problem is with the tense..."am" is present tense and succumbed is past tense. They should match. "Seething river that dances apphonic ships,"???? "apphonic" sounds like a musical term but I am not familiar with any scale by that name and since I am a musician I was puzzled by the word. I could not find it in the Merriam Webster college edition or the on-line edition. So that one is still a puzzle to me. "iambic reed with the sound of your whistle?" I thought this was a bit confusing as well since a reed is a musical instrument yet "iambic" refers to syllables of speech (A short syllable followed by a long syllable as in "iambic pentameter") The lead in with "for" in several of the lines was distracting. It sounds like it wishes to wax classical but the expressions lack the clarity of a classical work. You do have some original thoughts and expressions going on here though."Flounder are gazing upon you with a tease of salt to sow you into bridges, and raise man out of his diluted dreams." I like these words but I have no idea of what they might mean. Overall, I found most of the poem and the imagery confusing. I've never been much of a fan of poetry that confuses me or leaves me wondering what it was about. I'm of the attitude that language is for communication and if the language cannot be clearly understood it has failed in its primary function and purpose. I can tolerate pedantry to a certain degree but not confusion; it just makes my head hurt. I really would liked to have left a more favorable review but all I can offer is an honest opinion. I think this could be reworked and made into something more easily understood.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

For I am succumbed by the fire that burns within
your plagiarized soul where I become the melting pot
absorbing your hidden desires.
Seething river that dances apphonic ships,

I would say the images were overwhelming in a great way, it really captured how the weight of one persons negativity can spill over and hold a loved one down like an anchor.

The imagery is brilliant. It's not overwhelming, and it's not scarce, I find it to be just right.
"Where do your armies dwell when the seeds

of your mother's forgotten children sing

iambic reed with the sound of your whistle?" Love these lines, they stood out to me the most.