My World

My World

A Poem by Sunflower 20
"

This is me expressing the one question that I can never answer: what is the purpose of war? It was inspired by a song called Heart of Courage, by Two Steps From Hell

"

My world

When the stars shine, and hope fills the air,

Love will keep us together, no matter what.

I will stand by you with every fibre of my being fighting for Justice.

And in the smoking debris of what was once a city,

I stumble to my feet watching the once beautiful stars erupt in clouds of blackened smoke.

My body is unwilling to move, damaged by war.

But I know I must go on, I must search this blazing earth for the last remaining love,

You.

So with hope in my heart, I march on alone searching for you, unwilling to give in.

Because I know some where out there,

You will be waiting for me.

And this, this sad story,

This is the reality of

My world.

© 2010 Sunflower 20


Author's Note

Sunflower 20
okay, well I have no idea how I wrote this (it was a spur of the moment thing) so just take that into acount when reveiwing, thanks. :)

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wow this was amazing work, i just loved this. it's amazing how inspiration can suddenly strike, right? this poem is testament to that.
i sure like the flow of this poem a lot, this was very powerful and strong. that feeling of justice just manifests itself in this poem. in my opinion this was by far the strongest lines in the poem:
"But I know I must go on, I must search this blazing earth for the last remaining love,

You."
that one-word line hit hardest of all in this poem. you could make this even better by perhaps making some of the long lines into smaller separate lines, like
"So with hope in my heart,
I march on alone searching for you,
unwilling to give in."
instead of putting it all into one long line. that will make the reader feel the impact of each and every phrase.
great work here!
PS. I listened to the song as well. awesome! no wonder you were inspired!
READ, WRITE AND REVIEW

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

very deep...I especially like this descriptive live "watching the once beautiful stars erupt in clouds of blackened smoke"

Good job

Posted 9 Years Ago


a long but yet rewarding journey for true everlasting love... beautiful :) this is a soothing sooth, relaxing, enjoyable read. i love it. keep up the writing :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


To me at first this comes accross as a poem about lost love but then you realise this destruction can only be caused by war. it also seems like it could be a spiritual poem, you coul very easily be refering to someones and maby your god in the following ine.

But I know I must go on, I must search this blazing earth for the last remaining love,

You.

This poem contains not just one but a few feelings for me the first is a sense of being alone the second is despair the third is uncertinty the final feeling is determination. its funny how despair and determination are in the same poem. it was little jerky at times not flowing as well as it could but i personally wouldnt change it as it adds to the feeling of uncertinty. this is more proof that the good poems are all written when we dont try and make one but we just let the lines come to us.
Read Write Review

Posted 9 Years Ago


wow this was amazing work, i just loved this. it's amazing how inspiration can suddenly strike, right? this poem is testament to that.
i sure like the flow of this poem a lot, this was very powerful and strong. that feeling of justice just manifests itself in this poem. in my opinion this was by far the strongest lines in the poem:
"But I know I must go on, I must search this blazing earth for the last remaining love,

You."
that one-word line hit hardest of all in this poem. you could make this even better by perhaps making some of the long lines into smaller separate lines, like
"So with hope in my heart,
I march on alone searching for you,
unwilling to give in."
instead of putting it all into one long line. that will make the reader feel the impact of each and every phrase.
great work here!
PS. I listened to the song as well. awesome! no wonder you were inspired!
READ, WRITE AND REVIEW

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

this is very beautiful written not like other stories she keeps her hopes alive and not give in at the end keep the good work alive.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Very interesting poem. I'm not sure how it connected to war; to me, it sounded more like a love poem, but maybe it has different connotations to you and me. However, I did sense the horror you were trying to get across. Your elevated diction was impressive. The words like "erupt" and "blazing" and the phrases such as "evey fibre of my being" (which, by the way, both spelling of fibre are correct, it just really depends whether your an american or a european, where the spelling tends to differ, like with theater and theatre) caught my attention. You had a good attention grabber and the fact that you came back and ended it the same way you began, which really evokes the cyclical nature of life and death, which is the definition of war. The sense of loss was enormous, again being a tie to war, and I ended feeling sad and wishful. The stars were a nice touch, really giving the reader your longing for clear skies and eace. Grammar and spelling mistakes were either nonexstant or your poem caught me too much for me to really notice, which really is your job as a poet: to bring the reader into your world enough that they can only hear your words and not pay attention to errors. However, I'm inclined to believe your didn't make very many mistakes because I tend to notice those more than most people and they draw me out of the peice. That didn't happen for me here, so kudos for distracting me from those sort of errors. Overall, I enjoyed this, even if I didn't necessarily get from it what you got when you wrote it. Good job even so

ReEAD WRITE REVIEW

Posted 9 Years Ago


Very powerful. I noticed a small mistake (misspelling of fiber), but this had an impressive flow. There are so many wonderful adjectives in this.
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Posted 9 Years Ago


if you wrote this in an instant, you have powerful moving emotions; the passion in this poem is conveyed through your own life, your own world; I congratulate you, you have found something people rarely find, a piece of themselves

Posted 9 Years Ago


Thats really great! Nice Job! The last line(s) of this poem had build up a really good effect and closing for this poem!

Posted 9 Years Ago


You paint a canvass in deeper hues.. the world in smoking debris... wanting answers for its destruction. Powerfully voiced..

Posted 9 Years Ago



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Added on November 30, 2010
Last Updated on December 28, 2010

Author

Sunflower 20
Sunflower 20

Melbourne, Australia



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I'm a 15 year old young writer who absolutely loves reading and writing. My stories have been praised by teachers, friends and family but I would really like someone to critically edit and give me fee.. more..

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