Love's Autumn

It's a sonnet...

Days go by as the nighttime does fly
Words of sweetness drip off those luscious lips
Autumn's chill creeps in, things start to die
Your eyes lose their shine as the cold wind whips
Your expression falls flat when I call you
Warm touches are now frigid; emotions raw
Our future looks bleak, now we're frozen threw
The ice cracks with every newfound flaw
Two standing headstrong, let the pieces fall
Darkness starts to overrule our bright light
One more try but the blockade is so tall
It takes more then just one to end this fight

What is that torch burning warm over there?
It is in the heart of a new love's lair.

Author's Note

...complete with iambic pentameter.

Reviews

[Nana Carmine]

I love iambic pentameter- I have fun playing with it. You did a really good job with it though. I remember it was one of the hardest things to write with the abab sequence and the ten beats... I always got too frustrated. with it to write too many
But I think you did an excellent job with it

[Sarah]

I really loved this; everything sounded so natural & pretty! ^__^ My favorite lines were "Our future looks bleak, now we're frozen threw / The ice cracks with every newfound flaw" and the final two! Good job! (:

[Tania Leigh]

Very nice, Tamme! You're imagery is always so good:

"Words of sweetness drip off those luscious lips"

I love it!

[Diana Owen Busy with Li..]

this is excellent... great job.

[Lydia Shutter]

Flawless iambic pentameter! The words are exqusite and well chosen. A sonnet extradinaire! Lydia

[Fantasyfairy]

A beautiful and wonderful metaphor. Love as an auntumn, changing to winter and turing cold, lost and dark, and then it brightens at the end, just as winter will brighten into spring. Seems more a season of love than just an autumn. Beautifully written sonnet. XX

[Chillbear Latrigue]

I like the Shakesperian sonnet form, and your poem does it justtice. Two word things:

You used "threw" instead of "through" and "then" instead of "than" toward the end. You may have been taking license, but they appear to be typos. I like the message. Nice sonnet.

[Ivory]

Very good sonnet, True to form and it flowed well.
I really enjoyed reading this piece : )

[Greg the Bard]

The premiss the love has an autumn is wonderful and you have described it to a tee. Your Shakespearian fits it like a glove and gives it a rounded feeling like there might be a spring to. Have you ever seen those plates that are decorated with the seasons. This would be a great decor for the Autumn plate. I like this a lot. You should do more. By the way Shakespire has lasted this long because of his style it's word within the work. Well done.

[Jaclyn]

Very good! I always do free verse or I try to rhyme, but I never quite succeed. Not only did I enjoy reading this, but then I got to your note about the iambic pentameter, and I went back and read this again, shocked that you got this completely right! Not everyone can do that, and I think many people won't even try this because they just can't do it. I KNOW I can't. I'm so impressed! :) This is one of those moments where I feel smug because you're one of my Friends. Hee hee...

[TL Boehm]

You know, I was so caught up in the poem itself...the word choices and the emotion, I didn't even register the iambic pentameter. So on second read, yes, kudos to you - it flowed seamlessly. I enjoy the melancholy of this piece, the metaphor of autumn to winter - and the way it lifts at the end....As Siddartha said, a positive note. Nicely done!