Homocide

response to Suicide another poem of mine

Not thinking to cleary, my focus revenge,

It's one less to take care of it's what god intends,

 

The pain that you caused me, pursued back to you,

Mentally degrading the things I've been through,

 

I try to refrain but the thought becomes loud,

I think to let him go but i am far too proud,

 

The anger so pure my decision now known,

I take his life then I give to him my own..

Author's Note

just a quick write

Reviews

[Marlena]

I liked this. It's shortness is kind of fitting, somehow, but I feel it needs editing. The first line, "Not thinking to clearly" should be, "Not thinking too clearly". The second line is a little fast, you should put a comma between "of" and "it's". Third line from the last, you need to capitalize the second "I".

I like the ending though, it's pretty cool. Good work :3

[Bard Constantine]

Interesting conclusion, for one must consider that the murderer must kill a piece of himself when he commits the act. Powerful writing, you do a great job in such a short set...

[Charles]

Suicide, homicide... I hope I don't get on your wrong side. In line one, I think you mean 'too clearly' not 'to cleary.' :-)

[Mauricio Montoya]

Wow! great job on such a short piece. Excellent write.

[Nobody.]

powerful write!

[Kes]

Hm. I like!

The anger so pure my decision now known,
I take his life then I give to him my own..

Great lines. Great stuff.

[♥SunkissAngel♥]

wow i like it such emotion in it nice job..

~SK

[Coyote Poetry]

A very interesting poem. I understood the beginning. Last line confuse me.
"I take his life then I give to him my own.."
Killing leave no winners. Only dead bodies. A very good poem. You made think this morning.
Coyote