Attraction

Everything will get better right?

In the start yeah the plan was you and I,

But in the end all our relations just need to die,

Me and you do not comply,

As friends yeah we can try,

But along with romance going dry, 

I can tell I'm not the guy,

So instead I kiss goodbye,

A farewell to our love ties,

And as the doves began to fly,

I know in time you will not cry

Reviews

[Clarisse Nanoit]

I like the idea of a completely consistent rhyme throughout, though it does cause a problem or two with rhythm. I don't like your particular use of the word comply, as I feel you're using it as a substitute for "complement" for the sake of a rhyme, and its use in that context is meaningless. I'm not sure of the significance of doves flying (maybe another forced rhyme?), but I think you have a brilliant concept on your hands here. I believe you could do so many creative things with it. I LOVE the last line. It encompasses the whole idea to me. Very cool way to end it, and that consistent rhyme, like I said, is almost biting at the end.
KH

[Addie]

Very, very, very pretty! It;'s short but it sums up all your feelings right there. I can relate to this kind of situation so I like it a lot!

[nicolo]

"I know in time you will not cry" -A well ending.

[Leah Everett]

Beautifully written. A lot of passion has been woven into this and it's evident. Well done!

[Joshua Donahue]

Well constructed. Very simple. And very nice. And I found it curious how you stuck with the same rhyming sound throughout the length of the poem. Sometimes that lessens the power of the words. But here, it worked nicely.

[Richard Williams]

Short yet well-stated poem where to relationship just is not meant to be, the romance, the physical gone and perhaps a friendship, but here even that may be carried off on doves' wings. Well done.

[al25]

Well written break up poem :)

[Reviews]

The rhymes are forced and detract from the point of this little piece. It lacks any sensible form of emotion relating to this situation. It's just stiff and meaningless.

[kurrupted]

wow!the deepness of this piece in such few lines really is an indication of the writer's writing prowess. very relative, it brings to us in its lines the ugly side of relationships. the rhymes also really add to it. double thumbs up for this.
i love the lines
"Me and you do not comply,
As friends yeah we can try,"
cool piece.

"

[cartera]

A good well-crafted poem. forget the commas nonsense - a good reader will insert her own where she thinks best: to suit what she is taking rom the poem.
ATB
Alex.