Broken-winged Bird

Life away, nothing to lose 

Stuck in this silence with nothing to say 

Run away, dazed and confused 

Hearing your words I can feel my heart break 

Smile away, put on my face 

There is no difference between real and fake 

Hide away, but there's no escape 

I am now lost in my violent hate 

Lie awake, I cannot sleep 

I'm overwhelmed by my grievous mistakes 

Walk away, searching for peace 

Seeking redemption, relief from my shame 

Cry away, run out of tears 

Mourning the loss of the love that has been 

Watch this break, suffer my fear 

A bird cannot fly without both of its wings.

Reviews

[Bear]

Critique: (Hide away, but there's no escape) Hideaway

Review: Well worded, I like how you have it staged and formatted as well as the emotional content. It is clear you have a good vocabulary and understand words and their usage, your poetry shows you have developed a writing style you are comfortable. First I want to thank Dana for the read request for your poem and I want to thank you for posting your work so we all can enjoy it :~)

[Yurie Lee]

This is pretty solid poem. It's pretty sad meaning. But if you really want that sadness factor to really make a reader bawl their eyes out put in more imagery. Try rewriting 90 percent of the poem like a piece of a picture, or maybe just an aesthetic?

I really like the line "Seeking redemption, relief from my shame" though~ Just to let you know~

Keep on, my friend~

[Greg Agee]

Love the title and the play on it. Your very talented. I see much more trying to burst out. Keep it up

[Joey K]

I love it. The emotion flows perfectly with the words and I have nothing bad to say about it. Sadly, this is such a close representation of how life really is.

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

Such a sad feel to this poem, sometimes pain and shame can make us feel like a bird in a cage no longer to fly free and anger can easily rule us if we are not careful. You did a good job expressing the feelings.

[Tasteless Heart]

Sometimes in despair our words are our only release. I am glad you enjoyed it.

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

How very true that is, it is good to get it out. I hope things get better for you then.

[Coyote Poetry]

A beautiful and sad poem.
"Cry away, run out of tears
Mourning the loss of the love that has been
Watch this break, suffer my fear
A bird cannot fly without both of its wings. "
There is a old Willie Nelson song about broken heart angels. The poem made me think of his words also. When angels fall to earth. Can't return. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Tasteless Heart]

I'll have to look that song up, thanks!

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good song and you are welcome.

[justdandy]

This is spectacular. I am totally adding this to my library. The best I have read in a couple of weeks. The last couple of lines are really touching. Thank you for sharing.

[Tasteless Heart]

Thank you very much

[barleygirl]

This poem addresses many familiar feelings, but done in a unique way. The analogy of broken-winged birds can be a bit overused, but you've managed to make it fresh in your telling. I especially like the 2nd stanza & the way it portrays the very realistic way we all put on a smile & live a façade that very few ever penetrate. Many meanings between the lines. Good job!