Missing you

Are we floating in mid air

without any care?

Nostalgic, we recall

what we were 

and how we came to be

before

rekindled broken spirit

with  caked up words 

stimulating sincerity

with open coherence 

orange and yellows danced along our world

never stopping only slowing and pacing

our friendship growing with laughs

and trust

after

nothing is enough

facade upon facade of

deep black and blues

your front door  unyielding

and mine closed in on the past

we are stuck in mid air 

without a care

Author's Note

I didn't intend it to rhyme just wanted to write...

Reviews

[Alessander]

overall, I like it, for many of the reasons others liked it, so I won't be repetitive. There were a few things however that I think you can improve on, imo (and remember, it's only me lol)

Cut down on some of the abstract diction: Broken Spirit, Sincerity, Coherence are in very close proximity to ea other, and disrupt the flow of the poem. Laughs and Trust are other generalities, but not as disruptive, imo.

Maybe reserve the refrain "we were stuck in mid air" for the last line (thus elimanating from the first lines)? Just a possibility, but if you think those are your best lines of the poem, then I would suggest doing so.

Other than that, you do a really good job of creating a tone...

[Charles]

Very nice tale of a day of holding hands in a dream.

[Author Rucha Joshi]

You have created a perfect effect with proper rhyme and excellent choice of words.
This poem is very effective and leaves a deep imprint on your mind.
Keep writing

[Wondering Mind]

I think the "hidden" rhyme added to the effect. Your expressions are "original". I particularly liked "your front door unyielding-and mine closed in on the past'. Thank you for sharing.

There were a lot of good, descriptive words used here. You portray a lot of feeling with this piece, and I feel that trying to make it rhyme would have ruined the whole feeling of it. Good job. Keep up the good work.

[Caitlynxoxo]

i really liked this, and it doesn't matter whether or not it rhymes; if it comes from the heart then we as readers shouldn't care! :) I, personally, don't. I actually prefer free verse to rhyming. Anyway, i absolutely loved this, the way you were describing the relationship gradually growing stronger. thanks for sharing

xoxo Caitlyn xoxo