My Suicide Note, For Good Measure

when i was young and still full of hope, i wrote a suicide note so should i die under dubious circumstances, that in this accidental life it'd look like i could at least do this one thing on purpose.

i'm writing this with much regret

tears mix with caffeine 

and i haven't slept in days

cigarette smoke circling encircles

speaking silently in volumes

as it makes a great listener

i've slit my wrists with a ballpoint pen

because the pen is mighty

and the sword is rusting

so this is my suicide note

coming late if at all

but before i choke

on all this self-pity

i hope

to catch

a dove

because i hope no one will miss me when i'm gone

i hope someone will spit on my grave when they find it

i hope this can finally ease my conscious mind

i hope this will finally ease my parent's burden

i hope people will curse when they mention my name

i hope no one will ever mention my name again

i hope when news of my death hits there will be f*****g in the streets

i hope someone i know gets gonorrhea the day after

i hope god tells me to go to hell

i hope there is no god

i hope there is no hell

i hope people will think of me as a coward after this

i hope that Woody Allen will be able to go on with his day after he finds out i have died

i hope no one cares

i hope a trout stream somewhere in Colorado dries up as a direct result of my death

i hope at my funeral no one preaches on and on about how good a person i was and how everyone will miss me

i hope i don't have a funeral

i hope there's an afterlife

i hope there's an after party

i hope the devil let's me smoke cigarettes

i hope there is no devil

i hope the writing and ideas i have left behind will someday inspire someone to accidentally prevent someone else from finding a cure to all disease as we know it

i hope all my ex-girlfriends will smile and be happy as i could never make them when they discover i have killed myself

i hope no one finds out i have killed myself

i hope my one true love is happily married at the time of my death

i hope someone steals everything i have left behind and destroys it or gives it to people who will never benefit from it

and i hope to god almighty, Stephen Fry and a loose shoe string that someday, someone, maybe sitting a coffee shop in Tennessee, waiting for a telephone call from Istanbul, will not regret having known me, or, at least enjoyed

borrowing my CDs.

Reviews

[KillerWithWords]

This piece also remind me of George Carlin's "Things You Never See".
You never see a rolls royce with a bumper sticker "S**t Happens".
You never hear a person say "I'm going to shove a boot up my a*s and cut my dick off.."
Your suicide note is something that a comedian would read... It's remarkable. . .

[Francis Danger]

ha. thank you, very, very, very much. your words are greatly appreciated, and any feedback given is definitely important in any creation effort. so thank you again. it's just funny, you know? stumbling over things you wrote so long ago, whether a poem or a break-up song, it's always so weird. like a time capsule, that piece of art or writing is a direct relic from where you were then, how you felt, and all the decisions you didn't make. i was afraid it would be terrible as i was NOT the person i am now, but, though most of what i wrote around then was as bad as One Direction lyrics, i thought this was good. thank you for validating that, haha. though i don't really know you, i have the growing fear that you're a really good sort.

[KillerWithWords]

I know exactly what you mean. Most of the stuff i've written in the past is unbearable to look at. But this suicide note is the real stuff. And thank you. I'm in middle of a novel, which i'm not posting on this site. People don't read stories of that length here. I'd email it to you if you're interested.

[KAOlmsted]

I could totally hear this as spoken word...some of it made me laugh out loud. Truly unique write, and I'm glad I read it. Thank you so much for posting it.

-kimmer

[sirenribbon@thehptshirt..]

I agree, this poem is extremely funny

[Samantha ~virginpoet]

I liked it nice imagery I feel that it can be improved by working on the structure just my opinion this is the 2ed poem of your that I have read and I must say Im loving your work so far

[Francis Danger]

yeah, i wrote this about ten years ago, and just found it while moving stuff around the apartment today, so i'm sure you are correct and there is much to be worked on! still, i greatly appreciate your honest feedback and kind words! thank you!

[Samantha ~virginpoet]

I really should post some of my older work that I keep locked away in my notebooks but there not as good more depressing work lol I look forward to reading more of your work when I have the time :)

[KillerWithWords]

Phenomenal piece, as usual.
I think your negative inflection does a good job showing what what the note's writer really wants.
The negativity contrasts with reality and gives the reader, myself, a humorous perspective of what i would never want.