If You Only Knew I: Konstantin

How do you tell someone how you really feel, after things have gone wrong?

I’m here again, waiting by the school gates. I wanted to see Diane. Something about her just makes me want to see her again. So I headed here after class.

 

          I texted her just now, and she said she was coming. Maybe it’ll take her ten minutes or so since she’ll be talking to her friends and taking her time. But I don’t mind. It’s always worth the wait, anyway.

 

          Until I see Nicole.

 

          My entire body stiffens. My heart stops. Suddenly everyone and everything else dissolves as I look at her, chatting with her friends, putting her backpack down on the floor, hearing that distinct laughter.

 

          It’s been a little more than a year since we last talked. And it had been…a trying, agonizing year. I catch glimpses of her every time, but I can’t make myself go to her…no matter how much I ached to.

 

          She’s gotten thinner. I don’t know how she does it. She eats like a pig, but she stays that skinny. At least she’s not unhealthy.

 

          She’s shouldering her backpack now, getting ready to leave. I remember walking her back to her grandma’s house, only a few blocks away from her school. I remember asking her if she needed help with her stuff, since they always looked so huge and heavy on her petite frame. But she’d always decline.

 

          Would always tell me, “What the hell do you take me for?” with her wide grin.

 

          It’s different now.

 

          Nicole exits the school gates, walks a few paces, and her head turns.

 

          Catching sight of me.

 

          Her entire demeanor changes. Her back becomes ramrod straight, her face shifts from sweetly pleasant to cold and indifferent. Her eyes lose their light in that one glance she takes of me as they slide past, as if I’m invisible.

 

          My heart aches knowing that I’m dead to her now. And it was my fault. Falling for Teresa…God. I have no idea anymore why I did that. Trading Nicole in for her close friend, just like that. Just because I was totally depressed and confused when Beatrice broke up with me.

 

          I watch her back as she keeps walking. She’s always exuded such a strong aura to me. It’s what makes her different from most girls. She takes no crap.

 

          And even if I know she won’t, I walk briskly after her. Diane can wait.

 

          When I’m beside her, she senses my presence. And her face darkens, even if she’s not looking at me.

 

          “Nicole,” I say through clenched teeth, my heart in my throat.

 

          “What?” she answers, her tone tinged with ice.

 

          I swallow a lump forming in my throat as I try to keep talking. “Need help?”

 

          “No.” She walks on, quickening her pace.

 

          “You sure?” I persist, even if I know it’s futile.

 

          “Why?” She throws the question right back at me.

 

          I stay silent as I keep up with her. She’s always had this habit of walking really fast. “Because…I care?” I try.

 

          She doesn’t answer. Of course. She wouldn’t believe me, after that mistake I made.

 

          I let her walk off alone, because even if I followed her she wouldn’t mind me, and it would hurt.

 

          If only you knew. If only I had enough balls to tell you this.

 

          I love you.

 

Author's Note

This is part one of two short stories, what I like to call the If You Only Knew duo. :)) Enjoy! :D

Reviews

[Anthony]

Excellent Read. Has me hooked already. :D off to read the second part

[Denni]

these are really good! i must say i side with nicole here, it is Konstantin's fault, he should not have dumped her for her best friend. Though Nicole is being a little immature by ignoring him for a year. This is extremely well. You should make this into a book.

[K.B. Soriano]

Hmm...became quite interested with Konstantin here.
Here, he appears to be a jerk who has jumped from one girl to another who doesn't seem to be mature enough to stand on whatever consequences his past actions brought him to- just enough understandable reason that would've fueled Nicole's anger against him. But having known Nicole's point of view, it just makes one think about what is it in Konstantin and Nicole that somehow connects them still beyond the mess...

Didn't know this was supposed to be the Part One, though. Anyway, great 'duo'! :)

[Rima]

Great job, it is well written and a good read. I like that your short stories "if you only knew" is told from both nicole's and the guy she hate/likes 's POV.