Im not naive

Nice
Smart
Driven
Positive attributes to be sure,
But f**k it if I can’t be likable
Cause I’ve never been.
´That’ girl,
The one ignored.
Even growing up,
The snickering behind my back.
Or else, blatant disregard.
I’m unlikable;
Not socially ignorant.
I know what you’re doing.
And I know how much it hurts.
But my skin is quite thin,
And my anxiety
Higher than ever.
So I’ll make myself useful;
Become indispensable .
They’ll realize they need me.
But it comes back at me
In a fucked up, twisted way
Because I’ll wonder-
What am I worth to them?
My brain, my drive, my kindness.
What are they after?