Illusions Lost

I remember dreaming, Night and Day, of the perfect moment when our eyes, they would finally meet. 

Be mine. 

I remember, Day and Night, I watched, Everyday. You, who were 

Not mine.

I hoped, every night-- you! to

Be yours. 

Whoever you were, I waited at the doorstep. 

You wouldn't show so I sat on the 

Stoop.

you weren't even looking and so I

Wandered the streets,

you weren't even there

Whoever you are, 

you're not who you were;

Who so ever you will be, 

numb this misery, so

I remember dreaming. 

Reviews

[J. Elsie]

This reminded me of my longer version of your story "On Your Stoop". Only I think the point of yours is that the one you seek is yet faceless. Or maybe not faceless in the physical sense, but an empty vessel in which you've set your hopes for happiness and completeness.

As Alessander pointed out it does feel a little stream of consciousness and fragmented. For some pieces it really works and I think in this case it was your only option. The story you're telling has been told before and had you elaborated and punctuated it to death...well, it would have died. I see a spark of life in this piece, but it isn't as tight as your others. Maybe it is just a different style of yours and I've already gone and fallen in love with your other tricks. Don't chuck it. And don't listen too much to me, as I have no suggestions. :) I'll come back to this in a different state of mind.

[roarke]

There's a jazz standard called "Night and Day" and it seems a fitting soundtrack to this piece.
Expectation is an erosive quality, only the heart can weather it's effects, but not forever....
It's almost like bitter dark chocolate melting in your mouth.
The words, the format, the delivery all from the heart.

[Alessander]

This has a very fragmented and stream of consciousness feel to it. Almost like a stalker - but there's a thin line between a lover and a stalker, much thinner than we want to admit (that includes internet stalking now a days, digging through ppls Facebook and such).

Dark content, without resolution.

[CarrieLynn {Chameleon A..]

I have been going through that lately it seems! Wonderful poem!