It Just Ain't Right (senryu)

One life, tormented

There is no future; no hope

Her children are gone

Author's Note

For Kim Love's competition

I had decided not to join, but then the Fates put this piece into my head, must've been a sign

My dear friend Truman S. Booth has informed me that because this does not deal with nature it is not a Haiku but a Senryu. Thank you Truman :)

Reviews

[KimLove "The Beautiful ..]

I can't make up my mind is this sad because she lost her children to the streets they where victims of violence? Or is it sad because they have moved on with their life and she just feels like nothing without them? Either way my friend it's sad, make me want to cry for her... :(

[*[_Natasha_]*]

i never heard of a 'senryu'... but anyway wow tj! excellent write :)

[.......]

sad but yet powerful, well done

[Aiden V]

Powerful. Leaves a lot to interpretation.

[November Gold]

Wow, this could be translated in so many ways. Very nice!

[Clay Feet]

Evocative piece that leaves many unanswered questions. Uppermost is why the torment and why no hope? Unless she has disowned her children or they are dead, hope lives eternal for a mother and children.

Exceptional writing!

[Audrey Howitt]

Love this TJ! Your voice is so clear here and full of pathos. Thank you for a great read!

[Rachael]

I always feel with Haikus (or Senryus) that the last line should resonate long after you've read the poem. I think this poem accomplishes that fairly well!

I am somewhat perplexed by the first line and would perhaps like it to be a little clearer but other than that I enjoyed it.

[Elaenor Aisling]

Short, but hard hitting with the way it pulls at ones heart strings. A very good piece. I love it when writer's leave things up to the reader's imagination.

[StarSandwich]

Hm... wonders. She must be upset.. did her children die or grow up i wonder :)

[Allen Smuckler]

Poppycock TJ...Haiku most often deal with nature....but don't have to because of what someone tells you... when interpreted, many Japanese Haiku don't follow the 5-7-5 definition either.....so what....also : or ; or - should be at end of 2nd line...tough noogies...It's a terrific write no matter what anyone wants to label it...
Don't get pigeon holed by those who don't get it.
allen