Aftershock

For the Haiti Quake Victims of January 13, 2010

My sister could not walk
I carried her on my back
Looking for a land that’s flat
To rest and eat and laugh

My sister could not talk
I sang our childhood songs
To fill the air with memories
And not the stench so strong

My sister could not cry
I flowed a thousand Nile’s
The sweetest burden on my back
To travel long this mile

My sister could not breathe
I felt her sundried skin
I felt her scraping hair
Her lifeless body, thin

My sissy could not walk,
I carried her to her grave
And laid her head and heart to rest
Within the broken vein

Reviews

[Alysha]

It's a very powerful peice and speaks to the soul of who we all are and who we all should be. The sadness carried throughout this write is one of a unique flow but it doesn't take away from it's beauty. I love the little personal touch on the end it really drives everything home and makes one realize that we are not alone in this world. It is very beautiful, Keep Writing.

[Kanattas Atir Enomo]

wow, this is a really beautiful piece. it flowed rather well and brought with it a truly beautiful meaning. this poem really brings us into the heart and mind of those whose loved ones have suffeed. good job.

[truth]

Compelling and beautiful. I love the change to a more natural speak when in contrast the outcomes was so sad. I loved this it was active and passive and told a compelling story. thank you for sharing this cheers

[Haley Smith]

Amazing... brought tears to my eyes. Songs and movies do that to me quite a bit but rarely text. The repetition of "my sister" is powerful; it never lets the reader go. "My sissy" is so much more personal and just breaks your heart. I love this.

[Jeff Bresee]

Love this...I love the sadness it carries.

Well done.

[deeps]

This is so sad, So touching
Very well written.

[Speechless Shadow]

This is very good. I like the symbolism. Keep writing!

[Tinasha LaRayé]

I changed to sissy in the last stanza because the "sister" represents everyone's situation in Haiti - it is the general outlook on what kinds of disasters came to a large number of individuals, but the "sissy" changes the tone from general to personal to drive it home emotionally.

thanks for your kind review!

[Stephanie]

I like the structure, repetition, story progression - why did you change to 'sissy' in the last stanza?