zaijien pengyou

is this the end of what we've started?
is this the way you want it to be?
is this the dagger that stabbed our promise?
is this the path you wanted to go?
is this the scene you wanted to show?

I'm just a friend
who learned to let go
I'm just a memory
fadin' away
I'm always the rain
to pour your pain away
but never the air
that remains invisible

you choose to be empty
when you're broken
you're alone
when I'm thinking of you
yet to be away
is what you feel
'guess this is goodbye
....'guess this is forever.

-musicfunk-                   

Author's Note

..the title means goodbye friend..
any thought?
=]

Reviews

[Aarontastic]

There are good things and less good things about this poem. On the one hand, I love that you titled it in Chinese, it just adds an air of of mystery to it, although that might just be the case for me because I like Chinese lit so much. Still, there's no denying that the title is more poetic sounding than the English translation would have been, so that I like about it.

The poem is suitably minimalist I think, and I like how it opens up with a catechism; even the picture you included and the font you chose seem to fit the poem perfectly.

The one thing I take an issue with is some of the phrasing, which can read awkwardly sometimes:

"is this the dagger that stabbed our promise?"

"I'm always the rain
to pour your pain away
but never the air
that remains invisible"

Those lines aren't super strong imo, but still, a nice elegiac poem.

[mhaie]

ah. sad title.

[Draven]

Feeling a lot of emotion now coming over me. I like that. Good poetry leaps off the page and knocks your emotions around a bit. Good job. ; )

[CHRIS ANDES]

thanks a lot :]

[Sasha]

Felt like this when my sister betrayed our friendship. And we were damn real close. We used to do everything together. But no more. ANYWAY...great poem. Can totally relate to it.

[CHRIS ANDES]

thanks
=]

[ForeverNever]

"guess this is goodbye
....'guess this is forever."
Ahh, I know this too well...lived it too often.

[CHRIS ANDES]

thanks my friend :]

[Calibaster]

That was really awesome. I think it would make an amazing song! you should put it to music! Why do I get the feeling that you can?

[CHRIS ANDES]

guess your a music addict too
thanks
=]

[Calibaster]

Yeah, you could say I am.

[natzky]

hen hao....:)hehehe...this poem is really good and every word has its underlying meaning..;)

[CHRIS ANDES]

thanks
=]

[Max_E_Stone]

Firstly, I was hooked from the picture. Then I read the poem and it captured every emotion you conveyed. This poem is beautiful.

[CHRIS ANDES]

thank you max
=]

[Max_E_Stone]

You're welcome. Thanks for letting me read it

[Krista Weiss]

Aww!! This is really sad!! Really great job though! I love it! :)

[CHRIS ANDES]

thanks a lot Kris
=]

[Violet Dreams...]

Letting people close to heart go.... is hard, yet they have to part, moving on....
Your poem portrays this well.
Great job!

[CHRIS ANDES]

t.y. V
=]